Wednesday, 21 March 2018
Breaking news by Ms Edwina Baggage - Bicycling correspondent on The Sodden Prickney Bugle...
Baroness Cynthia Molestrangler has instructed Phondle and Knudge-Wincke, Solicitors and Commissioners for Oaths, to investigate how a telephone list of all the Parish was obtained from Mr Norbert Iodine's chemist shop, so that calls could be made to alter the result of the erection (don't you mean 'election' - Ed) when Count Basil Kalshnikov was voted in as Supreme Chairman of the Council.
Constable Lumbersnatch has also been informed for some reason only known to nobody in particular.
The self-styled Baroness insists that Mr Iodine's list of customers was purloined some time around the voting for the Count, and that there are some people who indeed have copies of all the prescriptions issued by various physicians in the district.
Mr Iodine was instrumental in obtaining permission for the lay-by outside his shop, so that Ms Billary could park her 4 x 4 to purchase necessary accessories such as comforting preparations to enable easy seating etc., and the like, without being noticed. In fact Mr Iodine was once (at least seven times - Ed), seen to assist Ms Billary who kept tripping up and falling down, by grasping several parts of her at the same time while her driver panicked and picked up the various packages, which contained enough preparations to fell a horse, maybe an elephant, possibly (get on with it - Ed), and had every reason to let slip the names and addresses for voters to decide.
Count Basil Kalshnikov made no comment, except to say that the little blue pills were for a complaint not unassociated with manic impropriety, not what you're thinking.
...to be continued.