Sunday 25 December 2011

Xmonius cahke repice...

Christmas Cake Ingredients:

1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 lb flour
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
1 tsp lemon juice
4 large eggs
5 oz Nuts
1 bottle of Vodka
2 cups of dried fruit

Sample the vodka to check quality.
Take a large bowl check the vodka again.
To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.
At this point it's best to make sure the vodka is shtill OK.
Try another cup, just in case turn off the mixerer.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick fruit off floor.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a sdrewscriver.
Sample the vodka to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who giveshz a shit.
Check the vodka.
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven and pee in the fridge.
Turn the cake tin 350 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the vodka and kick the cat.
Fall into bed.


h/t Digger Dave...

Saturday 17 December 2011

Reindeer saves the day...

You just have to love this song about how a very special reindeer took over from Rudolph!

It takes a second to load, but I reckon it should be this year's Christmas Number One, and win the Max Factor (or whatever it's called)!

Turn the sound up loud...

Wednesday 14 December 2011

Friday 9 December 2011

Circular masterpiece...

One of my partners has an eclectic but varied knowledge of all types of music, from Carl Orff to Clapton, Delius to Deep Purple, Albinoni to Albert Lee, Beethoven to Bananarama, Zadok to Zombies (That’s enough comparisons - Ed), and in his constant quest for more esoteric involvement in musical philosophy, harmonious chronology and form, he strives diligently to search for, and eventually discover, the higher plateaus of melodic appreciation.

However, I will never be able to forget his recent triumphant exclamation of pure joy, when this masterpiece appeared on his Mac screen…

Tuesday 6 December 2011

Grimble cheer...

Pubs in Tunbridge Wells are learning a few things from supermarkets...