Sunday 26 March 2023
Friday 17 March 2023
Friday 10 March 2023
Having recently having to resort to Anglo-Saxon language to get some idiot to see sense, I tried to remember one of the best 'put-downs' I've ever heard, but was lost for several days, until a light-bulb moment started the quest and Google found the answer!
Friday 3 March 2023
There was uproar and more angry exchanges at the Sodden Prickney council meeting last Thursday, when it was discovered that Edwina Baggage, Bicycling Correspondent at 'The Bugle', had made copies of all the emails Ron Groat had sent to Miss Newt during her application to build a 65,000s.f. Community Centre and Retail Emporium. It was well known that all meetings during the Tandemic, (there were two of them), had been conducted by Vavoom on council property Series 1 iPads! There were also questions to be answered as to why Clr Cynthia Molestrangler always seemed to be dressed in a fetching nightdress and negligee, which left very little to be desired! (Do you mean 'imagination' - Ed)? It was assumed that this was conducted to enrage or encourage the various enraged hankerings Cllr Basil Kalashnikov had for the lady, but he sometimes questioned the possibility that as the meeting was in the afternoon, was Ms Molestrangler trying to give him the idea that she'd just got up after another Vavoom with PC Lumbersnatch, who always investigated these issues at a moment's notice, and left his bike around the back of her house, just in case!
What made Clr Kalashnikov more angry, was that 'The Bugle' had started to publish these emails, together with the various dubious attachments relating to certain medical preparations, and pictures of foreign ladies of leisure available online, (occasioned by Vavoom), and that every parishioner now knew that his condition was self-inflicted, and not in any way connected with his visit to Beijing to study ways and means of council road-sign maintenance!
One other reason why Miss Baggage was so angry, was that she was denied a Business Class air ticket to join him on this important (?) three-week foray into commercial enterprise in the Far East, and instead had to watch Clr Kalashnikov take off with the close company of Ms Emily D'Artagnan-Minge, who often offers her advice during (and mostly for a few hours after), the council meetings! Miss Baggage has now filed at least thirty of these emails, and intends to drip-feed the remaining messages, while redacting the ones where she had impinged on Mr Groat, a euphemism one presumes, as Miss Newt had gone round to her house and given her a fourpenny-one on both ears for her trouble!
Dr Norbert Iodine has had to be brought in at a week's notice, during surgery hours of 1.00pm-1.30pm, to try and make Ms Baggage to see sense, but as he is busy with trying to ease Clr Norman Wibble's personal concerns about global warming, VAT increases in horse liniment and a general malaise when confronted with anything Janet Reger nowadays, there's not a lot that can be done about it all, so Clr Kalashnikov may well resign himself to facing yet another challenge when the council meet again, probably sometime in the Autumn of 2024!