It has come to the notice of several gentlemen in the parish, that ball-tampering is becoming rife - especially at council meetings when feelings are high, emotions stretched, and the sap is... (get on with it - Ed).
Of course, one would wonder if there is indeed any reason to complain if a few seams are lifted, and substances used to roughen the surfaces and the fingers spin a Chinaman's googly down the aisle of the village hall!
Certainly, it has been known in the past, that Ms Baggage has bouncers which are deemed unplayable on occasions, and the Baroness Elect, Cynthia Molestrangler, has deployed the screens on many a tense final engagement with a fulfilling finish, so there's a sense of wonderment that three Senior (not you Dear) council members were sent home in disgrace!
The upshot of all this (wrong word - Ed), is that cameras are definitely deployed for the next council meeting, when Mr Iodine is called to explain his conduct in providing the necessary materials such as Elastoplast and Anusol Tablets. (WHAAAT - Ed)!
To be continued ad-infinitum, or at least 'stumps'...