Saturday 28 March 2009



What an incredible man.

(Above link by courtesy of Lakes)

When I was a kid, he was mentioned in places like The Eagle, and his name was synonymous with bravery.

The obit is marred by this: -

"When King George VI was conferring Upham's second VC he asked Maj-Gen Sir Howard Kippenberger, his commanding officer: "Does he deserve it?"

"In my respectful opinion, Sir," replied Kippenberger, "Upham won this VC several times over."

I'd have hung one on him after a stupid question like that.

Thursday 19 March 2009

Maths lesson...


1. Teaching Maths In 1970

A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000.
His cost of production is 4/5 of the selling price.
What is his profit?

2. Teaching Maths In 1980

A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000.
His cost of production is 4/5 of the selling price, or £800.
What is his profit?

3. Teaching Maths In 1990

A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000.
His cost of production is £800.
Did he make a profit?

4. Teaching Maths In 2000

A logger sells a lorry load of timber for £1000.
His cost of production is £800 and his profit is £200.
Your assignment: Underline the number 200.

5. Teaching Maths In 2008

A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is totally selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands.
He does this so he can make a profit of £200. What do you think of this way of making a living?
Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers.
If you are upset about the plight of the animals in question counselling will be available)

6. Teaching Maths 2018

أ المسجل تبيع حموله شاحنة من الخشب من دولار. صاحب تكلفة الانتاج من> الثمن. ما هو الربح له؟

Sunday 15 March 2009

A walk in the hills...

As I've bored most readers of this space, my job is uncovering new development opportunities for my two colleagues, and much of my time is spent with seeking sites which are 'off market', as well as visiting various wine establishments to talk to interested parties.

Once I've hunted down an opportunity, we then hound it to death either to get a scheme going, or try and move it on to someone else while we go for the next one.

It's actually hard work, and not easy in this financial climate which has been mostly devastated by the disgraceful antics of 'Business Secretary' Mandelson, 'Badger' Darling, and of course, the worst Prime Minister ever installed (not voted), in our once green and pleasant land.

The other day, as parking was prohibited in a particular area, I dd the whole patch on foot. This is not always the best option, but if you can last until the end of the clip, then you're lucky not to have the screaming Hab Dabs with Oak Leaves in Spades, which is what I have as we speak...

This is where I spent a 'close-trousering' afternoon last week...

Sunday 8 March 2009


In these awful times, when our government has failed most of the population of our country, there's not much to bring any light to the impending doom which is unfortunatly going to happen to many citizens this very year.

A few years back, I had a consultancy with a great firm which specialised in planning. I mean, they were serious professionals with eye watering clients who paid real money to get planning permissions on huge sites. They are still a favourite company of mine, and I loved my days working in their offices, bringing some grey hair to the 'younger', (definitely more attractive and well skilled in their profession), people there. Everyone was much younger than me, and I loved their chat and banter, and was accepted as 'the chap who helps out here and there'.

About then, Coldplay had stormed through the music positions with 'Clocks'.

I can easily recall hearing those enigmatic opening bars, and thinking 'Sod that - I could have made that up in my sleep...'!

But I hadn't. And I now understand that they are still beautifully crafted. One of the guys I worked with had it as his ringtone on his mobile; and this is just what I like about working with people like him.

Everyone knows the song, but here it is for someone who might just like to know what freezes me for a few seconds every time I hear it.

Saturday 7 March 2009

How Blokes work...

Three builders are bidding to paint No 10, Downing Street.

One is from Tottenham, another is from Clapham, and the third is from Bethnal Green.

All three go with a government official to examine the job. The Tottenham contractor takes out a tape measure and does some measuring, then works some figures with a pencil on the back of a fag packet, whistling tunelessly. "Well," he says, "I reckon the job will cost about £30,000: £5,000 for materials, £20,000 for my blokes and £5,000 profit for me."

The Clapham contractor also does some measuring and figuring, and after a few calls on his mobile and a quick shuffle around the place, scratches his backside and says, "I can do this job for £20,000: £4,000 for materials, £12,000 for my men and £4,000 profit for me."

The Bethnal Green contractor doesn't measure or figure, but leans over to the government official and whispers, "£40,000."

The official, incredulous, says, "You didn't even measure the place like the other firms! How did you come up with such a high figure?"

The Bethnal Green contractor leaned in and whispered back, "£10,000 for me, £10,000 for you, and we get the bloke from Clapham to do the job."

"Done!" replies the government official.

And that, my friends, is how the new ‘stimulus’ plan will work.