The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless.
Happiness is not having to set the alarm clock.
When I get a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.
Just once, I want the prompt for username and password to say, “Close enough.”
If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I’m self-employed. We’re having a meeting.
“Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40-minute flute solo".
Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags, or is it just me?
Today’s 3-year-olds can switch on laptops and open their favourite apps. When I was 3, I ate mud.
So, you drive across town to a gym to walk on a treadmill?
Old age is coming at a really bad time.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've put them on my knees.
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.
"On time" is, when you get there.
It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free...and three sizes smaller.
Lately, you've noticed people your age are so much older than you.
(Apologies for the formatting - I blame everyone else... )