Saturday 20 April 2024

The 'old April'...

One of life's mysteries was solved this week!

In 'Only fools and horses', there's a scene where Delboy mentions 'The old April was pouting like a goodun'! 

There were many queries from TV watchers, puzzled looks from national figures, questions in the house, and a NATO operation to investigate the issue!

Scrobs had to diligently search for - oooh - several seconds to get the answer!

  • Arse
  • Bottle and glass
  • Bottle
  • Aristotle
  • Aris
  • April in Paris
  • April!
So all those mis-spent seconds have revealed yet another fact to embellish these columns by another glorious result!

Monday 15 April 2024

The ashtray...

One of my all time cricketing heroes, Derek Underwood has died.

Being here, in Kent, it wasn't difficult to support and watch the great man spinning his way to victory in so many matches, and I was always bewitched by his sessions with open-mouthed awe, seeing him on TV so often with my dad, and much later at the county ground with a pint in my hand!

When I worked for a great company in Canterbury, he had been offered his Benefit Year, and, as we had a sponsorship deal with KCCC, it meant we had a board up at the boundary, so we got quite a lot of publicity from it all as well! That Summer, we took a box in the Members' Stand, and invited several guests along, to celebrate Derek's Benefit occasion.

He made sure that he visited every sponsor and benefactor, and personally chatted with as many guests as he could! I had a lovely handwritten letter from him, thanking us all for our contributions, and for me to shake his hand on that big day, was a triumph which I will never forget.

And why the title?

One of the ground staff at Canterbury once told me that his corner of the dressing room had that name as he liked the odd smoke now and then...

He's still a hero!

R.I.P. Derek - St Paul hasn't a chance outside the off stump!

Friday 12 April 2024

Lighting up time...


I know I vowed to keep the dear old Golf forever, in fact I even mentioned it here only late last year, but one or two MOT niggles appeared unannounced, and both of us also discovered that we were finding it more difficult to get in and out, the old chap being so low to the ground, so we went for something a bit higher!

The other day, I had to drive during dusk, and while idly waiting in traffic, I sat and stared at all the lights and function attributes in new Tiguan car...

After a bit of disbelief, I counted over seventy small lights, and that was including the speedometer and rev counter as only one light each!

Having recovered, I fondly remembered out old Fiat 500 c1965 - CDY 538C - which had three interior lights including the speedometer, and four if you were lucky at night...

Friday 5 April 2024

The taxman coughing...

Exactly fifty years ago today, our elder daughter was born!

She appeared at around 2.00am, and was a healthy, quite large little lady, and her mother was understandably exhausted - and very sore! I'd been sent home as the birth was going to be difficult.

I had also been requested not to visit until later in the day, and as I had to go to work anyway, the whole visiting issue became a requirement for a little work in the morning, a huge visit to the pub at lunchtime, and then, later on, a long, long time with both the Senora, and brand new daught!

The pub visit that day produced a fabulous result - almost as good as the event itself! My boss, and some senior staff used a pub across the road for their lunchtime sessions, and they were occasionally joined by several local worthies in the same business, like architects, surveyors, and also, a local accountant. I very occasionally joined them, but really preferred to avoid too much time there, and anyway, couldn't afford the scotches and pints of JC back then, but, this time was, of course, different!

While accepting a large drink from our accountant friend, he asked me again, exactly what time our daughter was born! When I told him the time - 2.00am that day - he gave me a huge grin, guffawed immensely and exclaimed in Anglo-Saxon terms that I was the luckiest 'bugger' he'd met for ages, as I could now claim a whole year's Child Benefit, complete up to just 22 hours before the deadline! He even drafted the letter I should write on a paper serviette perched at the bar, and of course, joined me in much jollification!

Now, that refund was worth three weeks' taxed salary, and paid for an awful lot - including the big drink I bought him of course, with grateful thanks!

Wednesday 3 April 2024

April evening...


Still stirs the soul...

Wednesday 27 March 2024

An engineer told me before he died, aaarrrrumditty...

Understanding Engineers #1
Two engineering students were biking across a university campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The first engineer nodded approvingly and said, "Good choice. The clothes probably wouldn't have fit you anyway."

Understanding Engineers #2
To the optimist, the glass is half-full. To the pessimist, the glass is half-empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.

Understanding Engineers #3
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers.
The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything she can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers #4
What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers? Mechanical engineers build weapons. Civil engineers build targets.

Understanding Engineers #5
The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an arts degree asks,
"Do you want fries with that?"

Understanding Engineers #6
Normal people believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.

Understanding Engineers #7
An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn back into a beautiful princess and stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want."
Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess and that I'll stay with you for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?"
The engineer said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog - now that's cool."
Understanding two engineers #8 Two engineers were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking at its top.
A woman walked by and asked what they were doing.
"We're supposed to find the height of this flagpole," said Steven, "but we don't have a ladder."
The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a couple of bolts, and laid the pole down on the ground. Then she took a tape measure from her pocketbook, took a measurement, announced, "Twenty-one feet, six inches," and walked away.
One engineer shook his head and laughed. "A lot of good that does us. We ask for the height and she gives us the length!"
Both engineers have since quit their engineering jobs and are currently serving in Parliament.