Extract from an interview in Tenterden Police Station…
Inspector Knocker (IK)
S.C.R.O’Blene (Scrobs)
Constable Onnstable (CO)
(IK) ‘So; you’ve been spotted taking photographs of jewellers and other shops in the town then… SIR?’
(Scrobs) ‘Well, err… yes, but all pretty harmless stuff Officer’!
(IK) ‘But these shops contain valuable items of an expensive nature Mr Blene…!’
(Scrobs) ‘Er…O’Blene if you please Officer…’
(IK) ‘Make a note of that Constable…’
(CO) ‘Right Sir’.
(IK) ‘So why the photographs anyway?’
(Scrobs) ‘They’re for a friend Officer…’
(IK) ‘And your friend’s name is…?’
(Scrobs) ‘”Philipa” Officer!’
(IK) ‘ And where does she live then Mr Blene?’
(Scrobs) ‘Er…O’Blene if you please Officer…’
(IK) ‘Make a note of that Constable…’
(Scrobs) ‘Well, er… I don’t actually know Officer…’
(IK) ‘Don’t know! Don’t know! Well, where do you not know her from then…?’
(CO) ‘Ha ha ha – very droll Sir!’
(IK) ‘My little joke you understand…! So how do you know her then Mr Blene?’
(Scrobs) ‘Er…O’Blene if you please Officer. Errr, from the Internet…’
(IK) ‘Make a note of that Constable… So you know her from some website on the Internet eh?’
(Scrobs) ‘Er, yes Officer…!’
(IK) ‘Hmm…this seems somewhat fishy to me…’
(Scrobs) ‘Oh no, that’s Merms’ website’!
(IK) ‘Merms’?
(Scrobs) ‘Yes, she’s a Mermaid, used to live in Moorgate!’
(IK) ‘Do you mean Margate?’
(Scrobs) ‘No MOORGATE – are you deaf or something?’
(IK) ‘That’s enough of that, bloody sauce! You have this girlfriend whom you’ve never met and she knows a girl who dresses up like a Mermaid? Seems a bit odd to me… doesn’t it you Constable?’
(CO) (sniggering into a piece of kitchen roll) ‘Heh heh… Yes Sir!’
(IK snarling now) ‘Don’t crawl Constable Onnstable! Now Sir, what do you ‘imagine’ Miss Philipa looks like then?’
(Scrobs) ‘Well, about five ft tall, slim, lissom even…shapely ankles, very attractive…
(IK) ‘So she does exist then, but you don’t really know her at all…!
(Scrobs) ‘ Errr... well, I know her slightly less than Lilith…’
(IK) ‘Lilith is it now – and who is she then?
(Scrobs) ‘I know Lilith from the same website and she’s gorgeous!’
(IK) ‘Aaaah, so there are more lovely ladies on this ‘website’ are there?’
………….(IK gives a knowing wink to CO, who seems to be fidgeting, breaking out into a sweat and turning red…)
(Scrobs) ‘ Oh yes, there’s Trubes, and she’s got legs that go up to her armpits; used to be a dancer!’
(CO) ‘Gulp…’
(Scrobs) ‘And Daisy, who always drops by when it’s night time…errr… she lives far away you see…and Janers, but I haven’t seen her around recently…and Hatfield Girl, she’s got a PHD in just about everything, and always talks sense…they’re all lovely really…’
(IK) ‘I’m struggling to get the picture here Mr Blene; you’ve been seen, walking around Tenterden, taking photographs of various jewellers’ shops, and you say they’re for friends of yours whom you’ve never met, and…. Ooooh...I say… wait a minute…, there’s one here of a ladies undergarment shop…’ (takes out magnifying glass).
(Scrobs) ‘Err…. yes, that was for Tuscan Tony…
(IK) ‘TUSCAN TONY…is that a man then…!’
(Scrobs)’ Yes of course he is, he used to wear those special rigger boots and once lived near Midhurst, near Idle’! They both like hunting shooting and fishing!’ Tony deals in olive oil. Idle is a gun and wine expert…’
(IK) ‘Bloody hellfire Constable Onnstable, the man’s a blasted lunatic’!
(Scrobs) ‘Oh no Inspector, he’s a chap who keeps changing his website, I think he’s ‘The Beast’ this week… Apparently he’s an awfully nice bloke!’
(IK) ‘You’ll be telling me next that you know someone who gets letters from ten times as many ladies and seems to know all of them intimately…!’
(Scrobs - indignantly) ‘Electro-Kevin is a personal friend, and I won’t hear a bad word said about him! He’s very fortunate that’s all!’
(IK) ‘So these people exist in your mind, as well as on the Internet then? Seems odd to me, but…errr… any chance of a few addresses then?’
(Scrobs) ‘Of course Inspector, just Google ‘Verity’ and you’ll get the best answers of the lot!
(IK) ‘That’s very good of you Mr Blene…
(Scrobs) ‘Er…O’Blene if you please Officer…’
(IK) ‘Make a note of that Constable…’
Inspector Knocker (IK)
S.C.R.O’Blene (Scrobs)
Constable Onnstable (CO)
(IK) ‘So; you’ve been spotted taking photographs of jewellers and other shops in the town then… SIR?’
(Scrobs) ‘Well, err… yes, but all pretty harmless stuff Officer’!
(IK) ‘But these shops contain valuable items of an expensive nature Mr Blene…!’
(Scrobs) ‘Er…O’Blene if you please Officer…’
(IK) ‘Make a note of that Constable…’
(CO) ‘Right Sir’.
(IK) ‘So why the photographs anyway?’
(Scrobs) ‘They’re for a friend Officer…’
(IK) ‘And your friend’s name is…?’
(Scrobs) ‘”Philipa” Officer!’
(IK) ‘ And where does she live then Mr Blene?’
(Scrobs) ‘Er…O’Blene if you please Officer…’
(IK) ‘Make a note of that Constable…’
(Scrobs) ‘Well, er… I don’t actually know Officer…’
(IK) ‘Don’t know! Don’t know! Well, where do you not know her from then…?’
(CO) ‘Ha ha ha – very droll Sir!’
(IK) ‘My little joke you understand…! So how do you know her then Mr Blene?’
(Scrobs) ‘Er…O’Blene if you please Officer. Errr, from the Internet…’
(IK) ‘Make a note of that Constable… So you know her from some website on the Internet eh?’
(Scrobs) ‘Er, yes Officer…!’
(IK) ‘Hmm…this seems somewhat fishy to me…’
(Scrobs) ‘Oh no, that’s Merms’ website’!
(IK) ‘Merms’?
(Scrobs) ‘Yes, she’s a Mermaid, used to live in Moorgate!’
(IK) ‘Do you mean Margate?’
(Scrobs) ‘No MOORGATE – are you deaf or something?’
(IK) ‘That’s enough of that, bloody sauce! You have this girlfriend whom you’ve never met and she knows a girl who dresses up like a Mermaid? Seems a bit odd to me… doesn’t it you Constable?’
(CO) (sniggering into a piece of kitchen roll) ‘Heh heh… Yes Sir!’
(IK snarling now) ‘Don’t crawl Constable Onnstable! Now Sir, what do you ‘imagine’ Miss Philipa looks like then?’
(Scrobs) ‘Well, about five ft tall, slim, lissom even…shapely ankles, very attractive…
(IK) ‘So she does exist then, but you don’t really know her at all…!
(Scrobs) ‘ Errr... well, I know her slightly less than Lilith…’
(IK) ‘Lilith is it now – and who is she then?
(Scrobs) ‘I know Lilith from the same website and she’s gorgeous!’
(IK) ‘Aaaah, so there are more lovely ladies on this ‘website’ are there?’
………….(IK gives a knowing wink to CO, who seems to be fidgeting, breaking out into a sweat and turning red…)
(Scrobs) ‘ Oh yes, there’s Trubes, and she’s got legs that go up to her armpits; used to be a dancer!’
(CO) ‘Gulp…’
(Scrobs) ‘And Daisy, who always drops by when it’s night time…errr… she lives far away you see…and Janers, but I haven’t seen her around recently…and Hatfield Girl, she’s got a PHD in just about everything, and always talks sense…they’re all lovely really…’
(IK) ‘I’m struggling to get the picture here Mr Blene; you’ve been seen, walking around Tenterden, taking photographs of various jewellers’ shops, and you say they’re for friends of yours whom you’ve never met, and…. Ooooh...I say… wait a minute…, there’s one here of a ladies undergarment shop…’ (takes out magnifying glass).
(Scrobs) ‘Err…. yes, that was for Tuscan Tony…
(IK) ‘TUSCAN TONY…is that a man then…!’
(Scrobs)’ Yes of course he is, he used to wear those special rigger boots and once lived near Midhurst, near Idle’! They both like hunting shooting and fishing!’ Tony deals in olive oil. Idle is a gun and wine expert…’
(IK) ‘Bloody hellfire Constable Onnstable, the man’s a blasted lunatic’!
(Scrobs) ‘Oh no Inspector, he’s a chap who keeps changing his website, I think he’s ‘The Beast’ this week… Apparently he’s an awfully nice bloke!’
(IK) ‘You’ll be telling me next that you know someone who gets letters from ten times as many ladies and seems to know all of them intimately…!’
(Scrobs - indignantly) ‘Electro-Kevin is a personal friend, and I won’t hear a bad word said about him! He’s very fortunate that’s all!’
(IK) ‘So these people exist in your mind, as well as on the Internet then? Seems odd to me, but…errr… any chance of a few addresses then?’
(Scrobs) ‘Of course Inspector, just Google ‘Verity’ and you’ll get the best answers of the lot!
(IK) ‘That’s very good of you Mr Blene…
(Scrobs) ‘Er…O’Blene if you please Officer…’
(IK) ‘Make a note of that Constable…’
(CO) ‘Right Sir’.
(IK) ‘You’re free to go and return to your car Sir, thank you very much for the addresses; a plain brown envelope would have been be better, but they will suffice…’
(CO) ‘He can’t return to his car Sir, he’s been clamped…’
(IK) ‘Not really your day is it Mr Blene!’
(Scrobs) ‘Er…O’Blene if you please Officer…’
(IK) ‘Make a note of that Constable…’
(CO) ‘Right Sir!’
Immediate update for Philipa: -
I think the jeweller shop you went to, was ‘The Silvermine’ (bottom pic) – or possibly ‘Eaton Jones’, (second bottom pic, gold stuff in window) both on each side of ‘Peggoty’s tea shop which is between the two. The other two shops; ‘Whites’ and ‘Norman Holmes’ are more dressy stuff – very nice, but more formal. Arrazzo is more funky – quite nice though and conveniently close to Waitrose…The lady in ‘The Silvermine’ told me that her manufacturer/designer made special stuff with pearls etc. She wasn’t sure about hedgehogs etc, but there were several silver pieces which had all sorts of small animals etc…and at this point she began to look at me with more than a little suspicion, especially as I asked if I could photograph them…hence the post above ;0)
