Sunday 10 November 2019

Way back then...

Image result for primroses

Scrobs has recently mentioned a time - the middle noughties - when 'blogging' was still in its infancy, and there were lots of corners which needed rubbing off;  Blogger was a bit of a minefield to negotiate as well.

Protocols of posting comments were also varied, such that there were odd and sometimes silly words to describe unconventional behaviour, un-generous innuendo, and even insults, and it wasn't for a few years later, that most people who indulge in a little light banter got to understand the ropes and contribute properly.

Of course, there is still an undercurrent of illiterate rubbish posted, especially on mentally-lightweight sites which concentrate on weak, macho messages, or just nasty subjects, and like anywhere else, these are generally ignored by most decent people.

Scrobs can remember very clearly, that a great blog concerning a small village was just starting up, and it was there that his first tentative comments appeared in shaky typing. As nonentity reigned, Scrobs made up a pseudonym in the form of Mannerings Webley-Bullock, who was a retired grumpy old gentleman living somewhere or other, and posted lengthy tirades on the website, often late in the evening with a tincture at hand.

Back then, the Labour government were doing their level best to ruin the country, and had already done all it could to scupper our young company, such that we were starved of the investment funding which is usually available when the economy is going well, but not when socialist fanatics go out of their way to stifle private enterprise at the roots.

Frustration took many forms, and on one occasion, I wrote a long and weary post which took long into the night. The next morning, I checked to see what had been the result, and was utterly mortified to read again what I had written, and also saddened to read the responses.

In short, Scrobs had been an utter arse, and received, and deserved the indignant denigration and opprobrium. Scrobs thought very deeply about all this, and decided he had to make amends in some way, so this is what happened.

Scrobs changed his name, Mannerings, to that of his sister, Miranda. It seemed a bit odd at the time, as everyone knows that Scrobs is a red-blooded male, with a heightened liking of any female who wants to avail herself of purely affectionate appreciation, and good humour, especially if she has good legs!

So Miranda Webley-Bullock was born, and began to make amends for the atrocities of her brother's rantings and bad manners. Some sort of past reference is  here: -

http://scroblene-webley-bullock.blogspot.com/2011/03/hoe-down_21.html

...and I'm pleased to note that there are still a few names in the comments, who are still with us!

But, (there always is a but, Scrobs, just get on with it - Ed), just the other day, while delving into a bulging folder of old stuff on the PC, I discovered this little 'gem', which has survived twelve years in the background, and I'd totally forgotten all about it! The blog in question was by a gentleman named Oliver Gosling, and seemed to echo a lot of the charming fantasy stories we all loved and cherished, as well as supported with inanities, or comments such as this one below, where Miranda, in her new role, was in full flow...

"Dear Oliver,

When Mannerings’ Great Great Grandfather Aloysius was stationed in Liverpool in 1810, (this was after the unpleasantness with the aunt of a servant who eventually became Mayor of Rotherham), he was ringing a peal of Superlative Surprise Major, and during the third bob, the tower began to disintegrate, and the whole steeple came roaring down in a mass of bells and rubble.

Grandfather escaped with a small bruise to the forearm, a black eye, two broken legs and a fractured pelvis, further exacerbated by internal contusions not unconnected with his love of two bottles of fine Claret before any peal lasting more than three hours.

He was also rumoured to have sired his future heir about three-quarters of an hour earlier, while choosing his looser ringing trousers in front of his then lady wife, Cymbeline.

These bells are small compared with those hung in his chosen church, St Barnabas the Arrogant, and he was renowned for taking two ropes at the same time, thereby allowing the assembled ringers plenty of time to see the not inconsiderable acreage of stomach between said trousers and his shirt.

He died in ‘The Peasant’s Crow’ PH after indulging in a marathon game of cribbage lasting one and a half days, (with three relapses for bodily functions, and also the unique opportunity to sire the additional generation of Webley-Bullocks with the Landlord’s wife, Melissa the ‘Open’.) He is buried somewhere close to the road but nobody is exactly sure where!

I thought you might like to know this!

Miranda x"

I have to admit, that I was rather happy with these communications; they took away a lot of the anguish of awful business conditions, little money and an uncertain future. The blog has sadly long gone, (Corin may know something about this), but there again, all things must pass, and that it was from these tentative comments as Miranda who was a great old dame, 'Scroblene ' was formed, and, for better or worse, has squeaked and banged its way onwards from those early heady days on the ether!

(Footnote - Miranda used to live in 'The Grannex', a sort of apartment built out of the redundant artificial insemination unit on Mannerings's farm. It was there that she could indulge in the usual antics normally associated with tinctures, shenanigans, and several clandestine meetings with several suitors, all of Scrobs' making, usually with wistful glances into a hitherto unsullied past. She was a good sport, and it was always a pleasure to let her loose on various comments)!

17 comments:

Thud said...

A rich history, becoming one of bloggings elder citizens (in blog years) is something to be celebrated.

Scrobs. said...

Thank you Thud!

You were around about then, and we had such luminaries a 'The Lakelander', 'Idle', 'Tuscan Tony' and the like, as well as 'Lilith', the gorgeous lady who told me that she was in fact 'Bunty Binstock', and I'll never forget her!

Thud said...

Idle and Tuscan, two of the best.

A K Haart said...

"Miranda used to live in 'The Grannex'"

For some reason I initially read that as Miranda living in 'The Gannex' which conjured up one or two strange images of Harold Wilson with a live-in guest.

Lucien Modo said...

Dear old Oliver Gosling... I believe he lost his mind in Marrakesh, and can still be found in one of the alleyways off Djemaa El Fna drilling teeth with a foot pedal device of his own making.
Of course you know that Modo (real name Dominic Cummings) former campaign director at Business for Sterling... and dealer in human grease - went on to work for Ian Duncan Smith and the rest is history.

goosegirl said...

I am just getting a slight feeling in my water that our dear Scrobs is not happy with the never-ending shenanigans of politics, so I think we should all band together as one does when chums are in need. I wish to start it off by mentioning the name of Angela Snow.

Lucien Modo said...

Isn't she that character from those fantasy novels that have been adapted onto the television..? Helena Bonham Carter as Princess Margaret and John Coleman as the Queen... Harry Enfield does a very good Prince Charles... better than the original. I haven't seen it myself.

Scrobs. said...

Goosey, you are a starlet in shimmering light, only found in Greenland during the Aurora Boris Johnson!

Thank you for this, an explanatory email is with you as we speak, and all is well, but thank you for your concern! I like to think of Angela Snow on most occasions, but they often coincide with a glimpse at a pension document, or a prescription for healthy living...

Scrobs. said...

Mr H, Oh yes! That bloody raincoat, and all mucked up with 'Lady' Forkbender getting in on the act as well!

Lord Cajun has a lot to answer for, and I expect he's the real reason for globule worming which includes torrential rain, hence the coat design!

Scrobs. said...

Now you come to mention it, Mr P, grease was indeed a subject we all explored back then! It was from the church steeple, that experiments in velocity of drop were measured, and whoever was underneath at the time was rewarded with a ride in the Wayfarer De Luxe, and a cheese sandwich!

I thought Modo became physically embroiled with a hominid about then, or was it someone else?

Scrobs. said...

Corin, Angela Snow is in fact Goosegirl, hence the depraved mind of an ageing Scrobs wishing he was several years younger, and had a car which could drive to Lancaster!

But sometimes she is H.E.Bates' squeeze-on-a-stick for Pop Larkin, and they get it off on a beach in Normandy!

Prince Charles was never, ever going to be an actor, after he insulted Spike Milligan at some speech or other!

As for Priceless Margaret, well, who knows, and who actually cares! I don't!

Scrobs. said...

Thud, Idle 'retired', and was heard of no more, but Tony still goes on Twitter I believe! We used to email each other when he thought a) that I had a good deal to offer him and b) when he used to say the equivalent of 'Nope'!

Do you remember Beast though? He started off as a version of another famous journalist, (Hitchens?), and was becoming pretty good at his day job, while working for Guido, so Lilith told me!

But Modo...

Whoooooooo - where - who - what even...?

And what was Fruning Graplecard's enquiry about his cat all about, wanting to know its surface area? You were there, c'mon, spill them beans!

T.P. Fuller is alive and living somewhere near these columns!

Lucien Modo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lucien Modo said...

Mr. Armitage. Whatever happened to the lovely Lilith?

Scrobs. said...

This so mysterious, Lucien - names, pack-drill?...

Gorgeous Lils is still in Somerset, with Elbers, and she has one of our Azaleas for company as well! She came to see us years ago, but doesn't seem to blog these days, more's the pity!

Hers was one of the first ever blogs I read, something about coloured wellington boots I think! We actually have a couple of mutual chums up here in wet Kent!

goosegirl said...

Today I have partaken of half a bottle of vino collapso with a few slurps from the Bombay gin which my OH will give me a real trouncing. I just need something to motivate me when I go outside next week to assist me in tidying all the detritus that has accumulated … actually, bugger it, as I'm having another slurp of gin and going to watch Sunday's Strictly results.

Scrobs. said...

I think I'd need the gin first as well, GG, as Structural Clumping and Prancing isn't really my cup of tea, it would soon be time for another Bombay...

Detritus outside here too!

The ground is just saturated, and there's so much to do to clear the garden out!