Tuesday 29 May 2018

Errr... Bugger?...

I've noticed that I haven't posted anything for two weeks.

This is a travesty of opprobrium, and, mortified as I must feel, I can't think what to say!

As Winston Churchill (or was it Harold Macmillan) once said, 'Oh bugger, I can't remember', so be it thus that this is a fill-in until I can summon enough of whatever I use to complete a post, and - er - that's it...

Bummer isn't it, blighter's rock...

6 comments:

goosegirl said...

rvi - blast! I posted my reply as a non-robot and it's nowhere to be seen so I'm trying to remember what I said. Ah! The performance of the rather verbose, nay loquacious and ebullient "Nobody sleeps when I am a-preaching" revved-up representative of the mighty Almighty didn't half give it some wellie, to the extent that some of the congregation sat up straight and wondered if they'd suddenly been abducted by aliens living on a parallel planet, some who hadn't had breakfast were silently praying he wasn't going to say grace before the wedding feast, some thought he was going to get everyone to sing like Jennifer Rush, and the rest just thought "What the hell. He's got a jolly good point there" and he had!
Reevers, my DIY drawers contain various sorts of cables, screws, things I don't want my OH to find like my pruning knife he left out in the rain, glues for every occasion, a timing plug that I can't get my head around as to how it works, and an assortment of "things that might come in useful" which, and you may scoff if you so wish, has served me well over the years. I had one of these at work and always got ragged about it until... the day when a piece of equipment needed to be sorted out PDQ to make it work. Having had a cursory look, I calmly opened my drawer and said" I think I've got the very thing. Would you like me to fix it or do you want one of the chaps from the works department to do it? I can do it in ten minutes and we're hot-to-trot or I'll take two minutes to write a chitty and send it to them; however by the time they get round to it we'll have probably all retired" then we all had a good laugh! Anyway the tips of the slung seem to have done nothing to rouse our incumbent from his mental stupor - maybe it's this hot weather or whatever!

I had to post this here as I couldn't get it on the other jobbie and was beginning to suspect Mr Scrobs had somehow wandered into Wormwood Scrubs or even gone off his mortal coil but.... my heart has just started beating normally thank the Good Almighty Lord Whatshisname? Mercias'R'Us or summat-like. Anyway, it wasn't Winnie or Mac that said that, it was Lord Nelson at the Battle of Trafalgar when he asked his doctor to put some drops into his eye so he could see better and it was said when doc asked which eye he wanted them in. Hence the doc got it wrong and Nelson got shot and died. Every story has a happy ending as the battle was won and Nelson's body was sent home in a barrel of brandy. Presumably there was no VAT to pay on it!


rvi said...



Hi
Oopps, just seen this opus which leaves me speechless! I have been collecting bits and pieces and odds and sods since I was about 9. My first venture into DIY was to fix an electric bell (including a spare 240/9 transformer (which I had lying about in a toy cupboard! Don't ssk me where that came from!!) to the front door of our first floor maisonette. Took me a couple of goes to realise that the switchboard had two sides to it, but got in the end. I suspect it is still there ringing merrily whenever the button is pushed - after some 60 odd years of use.

My dad was a plumber/handyman/fitter and taught me everything to know about all sorts of things, knowledge which I have retained and used until today.

My greatest feat (I think) was when a mate and I decided to completely refurbish the old 19thC terrace house which I had recently bought (my first house). We started with a complete rewire from top to bottom, including installing a fully equipped workshop for me in the cellar. Somebody had done some work on it previously very badly. We had wires going in all directions instead of vertically/horizontally, so we had to be very careful. I once put up a cupboard unit in that kitchen and as I was screwing in one of the securing fittings, the light came on!! Yup, I had managed to put the drill bit right between the strands of a wire going diagonally sideways and upwards across the wall making the connection! My neighbour was a builder and I shared the cost with him to redo our conjuncting attic roof with new tiles, but we did the rest including stopping old floor boards from creaking, straightening and levelling walls before wallpapering them, resetting the windows, new ring circuits and sockets all over the place etc. A couple of years later I sold that house and made a profit of just under £50,000!

Them was the days, my friend.

rvi said...



ERRATUM: Re above, fifth line up from bottom.
Delete "drill bit" - insert "tip of screw".

GG

Your "timing plug" sounds like a timing device that plugs into a socket and overrides the socket as to when to activate, although that wall socket when switched on is in "live" mode, but not actually doing anything. They are usually used for things like auto-controlling an outside security light that only comes on and goes off according to the timings preset on that plug. To operate it set the plug clock to the right time, then move the control wheels or buttons to set the on and off times required. Then plug it into the appropriate wall socket which operates the outside lamp. The wall socket obviously has to be one that has exterior socket inlets. It is a bit like when you plug in your hoover and switch the socket on. Nothing happens as the circuit is not complete until you activate the switch on the machine (which has effectively over-ridden the wall socket). When you switch the hoover off, the socket is still in "live" mode until you also switch that off. Same idea for a/c units. Switch them on by activating the wall switch, but then nothing happens until you activate the remote to actually get the thing to blow.

Hope that makes some sort of sense!

goosegirl said...

Er, no. It's an oblong plug-in jobbie that has a digital display window on its top. One square button says change and the other says program. Underneath the window it says program with the numbers 1,2,3, and 4 above it. Yes I've still got the instruction leaflet, but trying to navigate around it just to set the time is enough to give a headless chicken a migraine. I'd much prefer one of those with a wheel that has pins you can push in or out for what time you want things on or off. I need an electrician for a couple of jobs so will see what he suggests. BTW, if you want to go into the realms of having a complete breakdown, you should see the instructions for our underfloor heating in the bathroom! There are so many settings just for the type of flooring and do you want it to heat either the floor or the room and what temp do you want, never mind the endless variations of programmes including what time will you be in or out today, is this a regular time you want to set or is it just for a certain day of the week, only for weekends, or do you want set it to come on just before bath-time, will you be the only one in the bath or will you be sharing it with someone else in which case please turn to page 308. If you are out and wish to save electricity by thus lowering the temp, select the appropriate day(s), the required temp and create a new programme. If you wish to alter the time due to either a failure in your electricity supply or a change in British Mean Time, please refer to page 5 where you can choose from the appropriate options. To assist you in your endeavours to achieve the best results for your busy life, we recommend you use the tip of a large blunt sewing needle to push the tiny button set halfway inside the timer so you can alter whatever takes your fancy and, should the timer be situated inside your bathroom cupboard, to have one of those stand-up LED torches so you can actually see the display window. Unfortunately we're stuck with this timer and it's now stopped working. Why do some things have to be so complicated!

rvi said...

"Why do things have to be so complicated?"

Good question, to which I am convinced the answer is "Because they can" - especially when it involves anything to do with computers.

I have lived out of the UK for much of my life and wherever I have landed up I have always made a point of registering my presence at the local UK diplomatic mission - which until recently has meant a simple card containing name, address, phone number(s), a UK contact in case of emergency, and if known, blood group. All sensible and necessary bits of information.

But all this changed under moron G Brown Esq who computerised the consular functions of our embassies. The registration process now involves going on line and filling in a questionnaire of about 8 pages demanding information which is none of their business. They don't need to know the colour of (what is left) of my hair, my eyes and my skin. They don't need to know my religious affiliation, my gender preferences, the dates of birth, marriage, if any, and any kids there may be. They don't need to know the name, address and phone number of my local doctor, dentist, optician and shoe mender. They don't need to know if I plan to leave the country for a while and if so when I might be expected back - on and on - so I just refused to complete their unwarranted and nosey fishing expedition nonsense. To this day I remain unregistered.

Why do they do it? Because their computer program says they can.
This also explains why every electric/electronic gizmo you buy comes complete with pages of (usually unintelligible) instructions on how to switch it on and off again, and the setting you need to activate if you want your new steam iron to make a cup of coffee in say 20 minutes' time. I thought all this computer stuff was supposed to make out lives easier. Remenber all that sales talk propaganda of the 1980s? What happened to all that promised free time we would all have? I must have blinked and missed something along the way twixt there and here!

PS - How many more times will I have to tick store fronts before being allowed in unhindered?



goosegirl said...

Well said. Some appliances come with a basic set-up leaflet thus enabling you to get to know your way around the basics before delving into the mysteries of its other functions. Some don't but their instructions are quite well-written. It's those written by some foreign whizz kid who forgets they are meant to be understood by people of all ages and intelligence that really bugs me. Part of my job was to write Standard Operational Procedure manuals for the various types of complex investigative techniques and other similar laboratory issues. Apart from including the necessary things like H&S, lists of equipment needed, expected results and trouble-shooting, I tried to write the actual procedure as clearly as possible with the caveat that it would be read, used and understood by qualified people or trainees under supervision. As I must have done well over 200 of them, my brain tended to fry at times so I gave them to my colleagues to review and make any necessary comments. Apart from some typos, the odd error on my part, leaving something out, and the occasional "I don't understand this bit" they were all approved. Not blowing my trumpet here as it was the satisfaction of creating something which anyone could follow that meant more to me than any kudos.