Scrobs was idly wondering what to do with about half an hour before lunch, as Senora O'Blene had gone off to visit a daughter, and there wasn't that much in the fridge for lunch, so after a nanosecond of thought, a visit to 'The Bells' was decided upon.
As it was a Wednesday, there was quite a crowd of pensionable age lunchers, because Jamie offers a cut-price deal on that day and of course, several tinctures of various hues are consumed by these fortunate citizens, to accompany these delicacies, so all is really quite well on such occasions, and the noise from the restaurant is quite raucus!
It didn't take long to recognise the familiar trilby hat of my good friend Elias, and his ever-more radiant wife, Gloriette, mainly because they were the only two people perched next to the bar, where they can command a view of everything that is going on in the place. They like doing this, as their largesse is renowned, and their business of selling brass grommets, tons of bricks and manhole covers maintains a continual flow of various customers after they've been nurtured by such liquid refreshments paid for by Elias, with the nod from Gloriette of course.
"Set you down next to us Scrobs", commanded Elias, after my compulsory peck on both cheeks of the vision known as Gloriette, but with a foregone squeeze, as Elias was watching me very closely, and anyway, a large pint of Sheps' "Old Autumn Bastard" - 6.9% ABV, was also going to get in the way of a much more, so the glass mug won out by a nose after a close finish!
"We have an extraordinary tale to regale you with", he started, and Gloriette started to giggle immediately, so I was all ears, and eyes as well, because when Gloriette giggles, the world becomes a better place all round, and even the pensioners sitting nearby detect a certain friskiness in the atmosphere, mainlly from the chaps, as Gloriette's giggles emanate from a section of her body about six inches above her waist, and the concomitant wobbles cause many men, young or old, to fervently wish they were Elias in more ways than one!
"Well, here's the craic", he started, "you see old Mrs Bannister sitting over there, with another old lady, well, she's really gone and done it with the post office"!
I was somewhat bemused by this, as although I vaguely know Mrs Bannister, I thought the opposite would be the case, as she banks there, and often pays her bills and takes a few pounds of cash from her pension, so this was indeed something to ponder!
"Wait till you hear this", he added, "The old doll got a bit confused the other day and posted a letter without anything more than the word 'God' written on the envelope, they found it down at the sorting office, and had to open it to see who it was from, so they could return it. The letter read something like, 'Dear God, I'm at my wit's end as someone stole my purse the other day, and it had the money I needed to buy my friend some lunch as it's her birthday! I lost £100"!
Elias continued."The guy at the sorting office recognised the address, and told his mates down there, and they all showed so much sadness and indignation that they had a whip round and managed to collect £95, put it in the envelope, and sent it back to her, with no letter or anything"!
"The following week, they got yet another letter addressed to 'God', so they opened it to see what she'd said! It read, 'Dear God, thank you so much for answering my prayer, and sending me my money back! I was able to take my friend out to lunch after all, but I noticed that there was a five pound note missing! I bet those bastards down at the post office nicked it'"!
