Sunday, 30 October 2016

Superplod wades in - again...

There was a Richter 8 commotion in Sodden Prickney's village hall last Thursday, when a resident had complained that the provision of the new bus lay-by had been pushed through by the Chairman, Basil Kalashnikov, and that the alternative, at Gatport Airwick, would be abandoned until everyone changed their mind again.

PC Lumbersnatch had realised that things were not what they should be, and had decided to check the issues yet again.

The news straddled (don't you mean overtook - Ed), (STRADDLED, as in 'got on top of', bugger off), the other news concerning Ms Billary's postcards to various citizens, and the pictures thereupon. Mr Clinchton's favourite pictures of fat ladies on the beach, and even fatter men with obese kids were being handed out like a person with no arms, and Mr Kalashnikov was having none of it! (not what I've heard - Ed).

Mr Trumpet was leaping around in all directions when he heard the news on his Walkman, and began a whistle-stop tour of every street in the village including Boris Villas, as he wanted the spotlight maintained on Ms Billary's use of a laptop (oh, not again - Ed), and also getting in touch (THAT'S ENOUGH - Ed) with residents of other places where bus-stop laybys had been used for nefarious purposes including buying kebabs at the local typhoid dispensary.

When the embargo has been lifted, there will be much more news, but suffice it to say, there will be much to learn about Ms Billary, and her partner, Willy Clinchton, and also Sid Trumpet's endeavours to negotiate with Miss Newt about the rent on her 450,000 sf retail emporium, which she and Ron Groat leased all those years ago, when life was dismal under Gordon Brown.

6 comments:

rvi said...

So Kalashnikov got the job then! What you witnessed was a mere kerfuffle in a teapot. You wait until he starts painting bike lanes all over the pavements!

I saw that the bell ringers at the church had been dismissed last week. That will make for nice quiet Sunday mornings for a change. Now if only Kalashnikov could kindly sort out incessant wailing in an unintelligible language from the local mosque, that would be of tremendous benefit to the community - (our community!).

Michael said...

Mr Kalashnikov and some awful toerag called Toby Blare were flatmates together Reevers, so it's logical that there would be something nasty going on behind the scenes!

I assume you mean that the noise emanating from the Basingstoke Ebenezer Strict Church Hall is getting on your nerves then.

I asked them round for a pork pie and a jug of beer, and they told me to sod off!

Charming!

A K Haart said...

That new bus lay-by could be a problem. I’ve already heard folk moaning that it should be on a bus route. It’s no good Basil Kalashnikov boasting about the decorative tubs of Japanese knotweed. People have become much more demanding ever since the library computing and online train-spotting facility acquired a keyboard.

Polly Cottonsox, Chief Librarian said...


As a dreadfully concerned citizen, may I ask the Committee how many of those so-called Calais "infants" are to be foist... er... farmed ou.... er accommodated in the village despite Mr Trumpet's strong objections to any such interlopers.

I suppose that it will be necessary for the village elders to accede to requests/demands for licences for a certain type of specialist meateries, fruit juice stalls etc, but I am given to understand that in the sands from which most of them seem to have arrived, they are still regarded as ... er ... childpersons until the until they reach their 40th birthday and are also entitled to be accompanied by four female attendants and offspring(s).

This of the utmost importance to life in our village and I trust that an early meeting of the council will be held to resolve matters. After all, it is incumbent upon everybody to sustain the highest of standards - and is, quite frankly, of more importance than cluttering the place up with unwanted bus lay-bys.

Michael said...

Precisely, Mr H! The council committee have vowed to abandon the bypass (sell it to developers), and reintroduce the bus route to the High Street. They claim that this will deter cars parking there!

It is well known that the layout of the six keys on a standard PC keyboard are enough to excite any train-spotter...

"Home - End
Insert - Page up
Delete - Page down'!

It's disgusting!

Michael said...

I think you'll find that the developers buying the bypass are going to build small huts for that very reason, Ms Polly.

At least the drains are in, there's no need for foundations, and the Allnite kebab and salmonella eatery is plugging into the grid as we speak, using the traditional method of stuffing the bare live wires in with two matchsticks...

(Basil Kalashnikov is eighty-three, not thirty-eight as mentioned in the local Ebenezer Magazine).