Wednesday, 24 June 2015


When Scrobs was a lad, a favourite uncle and also dad of course, would occasionally dip his hand into his trouser pocket, and extract a huge handful of half-crowns, florins, pennies, shillings, sixpences and even other coins like farthings, and say something like 'Would you like an icecream', or similar..!

Of course, an ever hungry Scrobs would say 'Yes please', and the necessary coins reduced the weight in the parental - or unceral pocket by several ounces!

Just considering the weight of the change they carried, I reckon that all those half-crowns, florins, shillings and old pennies must have weighed a couple of ponds, so what were trousers made for!

Wednesday, 17 June 2015


While considering whether to get up early, or not, Scrobs went back to sleep to encounter a long dream about an old chum and all sorts of recall became apparent while asleep.

The guy had served with distinction in The Falklands as a Naval Commander, and every detail about him was part of the dream, which was one of those which you can remember in full when you wake up.

And when I did wake up, I thought immediately about the chap, and how it would be nice to email him or contact him in some way...

That was until a few seconds later, when I remembered that he'd died a couple of years ago.

Hmmm - not a good way to start the day...

Tuesday, 9 June 2015


As a nod - even a bow - maybe a genuflect, to my co-conspirator, Mr A.K Haart, I've just remembered that I managed to get a letter published in The Daily Telegraph, some many years ago.

As a normal sort of gentleman, I have to remember that there are days when there are considerations for the qualities of  'CB', or 'DB'!

'OK, Scrobs', you say, 'what on earth are you on about now you silly old sod'!

Well, here's the answer!

An old chum told me that when he was at a large boarding school, a master used to say to him, with regular enthusiasm - and to everyone else who bothered to listen - that today was 'Bit CB today', (Chum)', or he might say 'Bit DB today', (Chum)'!

One day, after several years of this, my Chum churningly asked him what he meant by 'DB' and 'CB'!.

"My dear chap', replied the (happily married) master! 'CB' equals 'crinkle balls', and 'DB' equals 'dangle balls'! It depends on the weather, and the temperature, dear boy"!

And the point of my reference to Mr Haart?

Well, I bought some underpants from Marks and Spencers some years ago, and during a 'natural session', when such labels are arrayed, I noticed, over several days, that some of them were manufactured in Israel, and some were made in Egypt!

I thought this was the magnificent lead to world peace! Nope..., but at least I got a phone call from a gorgeous old lady chum, requesting details of which pair I was wearing that particular day...

Sometimes, pants are for World Peace!

Tuesday, 2 June 2015

Anti-litter campaign...

Mrs Scroblene has found a website where there is a petition to start attacking litter louts, and making good where we're being let down so much by local authorities, who seem to spend cash on their senior people but not on litter collection.

I Scrobs' humble opinion, this is one petition worth signing!

Sunday, 24 May 2015

Hatton Garden turned Turtle...

So history - such as it is - repeats itself when old Scrobs does a story...

The Hatton Garden 'heist', or robbery if you speak English, was foreseen years ago, in one of the funniest TV programmes ever produced!

Turtle's Progress came out in the late seventies, and now you can now buy the full series on DVD! Here's the link...

There are so many rich and vibrant characters written into each episode that it's rather like reading a Damon Runyon book! You'll love Aunt Ethel, and Inspector Rafferty, but the rogues are just marvellous as well!

(And also, Scrobs foretold that Rodney Trotter would join New Tricks, and the programme would fold soon afterwards, but that's another story...)!

Thursday, 14 May 2015


So we're nearly a week on from the election result, and the lead story on the BBC tonight is about UKIP having a hard time! Nothing about all the plans to make the UK great, nothing about layabouts in the Labour party pissing off to the sun! Even nothing about the LibDems crisis!

Nothing to see here folks, move on please...

And the main story is...?

We nearly had a frost a couple of nights ago, and my spuds and beans don't like being cold...

Far more important in my field of vision!

Thursday, 7 May 2015

Carborundum Day...

Scrobs has been looking forward to today for some time now.

We've deliberately missed every BBC News bulletin, because of their dire bias towards Labour, and we're feeling pretty good about that with blood pressure near normal as a consequence! The silly Suzannah Reid show never gets a look-in either, because she is so awful at interviewing, anyway, 'slebs for sleb's sake' is a definite turn-off for us here at 'The Turrets'.I'm going to be sixty-eight in July, and whoever forms the next government isn't going to make a scrap of difference to me or Mrs Scroblene, so my heart will vote today, just to see something new on the TV tomorrow!

We haven't had a holiday since 2002, we don't thrash around in expensive cars, we make most of our own wine, we garden enthusiastically, even with a passion, we love our village and do a few things around the place, we know most of our neighbours, we get pissed off with the lorries charging past our house, or morons in cars belting away in every direction, and of course we all hate the County Council, who are utterly useless at everything they do! So if taxes rise by 0.009%, then who gives a monkeys? We'll have one less slice of bacon every other month, and if pensions rise by a similar amount, then Mrs Scroblene will have an egg for breakfast in September; it's as simple as that!

I've never even considered voting for Labour, but I did vote for a Lib Dem once, (by mistake apparently) about twenty years ago, because the Tory local councillor was a prat, (they all are actually), but I was pained to learn that a close friend once voted for Gordon Brown, for 'continuity', so he cocked that one up didn't he! The grand-children will grow up in happy circumstances, despite the local politicians helping to bugger everything up, and anyway, who am I to ask my daughters who they want at the helm?

So Scrobs is entering the time of life when frankly, he doesn't give a damn!

I don't like so many things that successive governments have done to us, especially pinching my own pension, to pay for some cretin in Tunbridge Wells, and also some of the people involved, like that Balls bloke are utterly odious, but the only thing that Lord Sir Anthony Wedgwood Benn said with a ring of common sense, was that you have to take the personalities out of politics, and look at the end game! So he got that wrong as well didn't he!

We're in a safe seat with Tunbridge Wells. Hell is destined to freeze over if the Labour candidate ever gets a look in, and most of the others are pretty bad as well, so tomorrow's TV will be interesting, even though I have paid for the licence this month...