Sunday, 24 May 2015

Hatton Garden turned Turtle...

So history - such as it is - repeats itself when old Scrobs does a story...

The Hatton Garden 'heist', or robbery if you speak English, was foreseen years ago, in one of the funniest TV programmes ever produced!

Turtle's Progress came out in the late seventies, and now you can now buy the full series on DVD! Here's the link...

There are so many rich and vibrant characters written into each episode that it's rather like reading a Damon Runyon book! You'll love Aunt Ethel, and Inspector Rafferty, but the rogues are just marvellous as well!

(And also, Scrobs foretold that Rodney Trotter would join New Tricks, and the programme would fold soon afterwards, but that's another story...)!


Thursday, 14 May 2015

Brrrr...

So we're nearly a week on from the election result, and the lead story on the BBC tonight is about UKIP having a hard time! Nothing about all the plans to make the UK great, nothing about layabouts in the Labour party pissing off to the sun! Even nothing about the LibDems crisis!

Nothing to see here folks, move on please...

And the main story is...?

We nearly had a frost a couple of nights ago, and my spuds and beans don't like being cold...

Far more important in my field of vision!

Thursday, 7 May 2015

Carborundum Day...

Scrobs has been looking forward to today for some time now.

We've deliberately missed every BBC News bulletin, because of their dire bias towards Labour, and we're feeling pretty good about that with blood pressure near normal as a consequence! The silly Suzannah Reid show never gets a look-in either, because she is so awful at interviewing, anyway, 'slebs for sleb's sake' is a definite turn-off for us here at 'The Turrets'.I'm going to be sixty-eight in July, and whoever forms the next government isn't going to make a scrap of difference to me or Mrs Scroblene, so my heart will vote today, just to see something new on the TV tomorrow!

We haven't had a holiday since 2002, we don't thrash around in expensive cars, we make most of our own wine, we garden enthusiastically, even with a passion, we love our village and do a few things around the place, we know most of our neighbours, we get pissed off with the lorries charging past our house, or morons in cars belting away in every direction, and of course we all hate the County Council, who are utterly useless at everything they do! So if taxes rise by 0.009%, then who gives a monkeys? We'll have one less slice of bacon every other month, and if pensions rise by a similar amount, then Mrs Scroblene will have an egg for breakfast in September; it's as simple as that!

I've never even considered voting for Labour, but I did vote for a Lib Dem once, (by mistake apparently) about twenty years ago, because the Tory local councillor was a prat, (they all are actually), but I was pained to learn that a close friend once voted for Gordon Brown, for 'continuity', so he cocked that one up didn't he! The grand-children will grow up in happy circumstances, despite the local politicians helping to bugger everything up, and anyway, who am I to ask my daughters who they want at the helm?

So Scrobs is entering the time of life when frankly, he doesn't give a damn!

I don't like so many things that successive governments have done to us, especially pinching my own pension, to pay for some cretin in Tunbridge Wells, and also some of the people involved, like that Balls bloke are utterly odious, but the only thing that Lord Sir Anthony Wedgwood Benn said with a ring of common sense, was that you have to take the personalities out of politics, and look at the end game! So he got that wrong as well didn't he!

We're in a safe seat with Tunbridge Wells. Hell is destined to freeze over if the Labour candidate ever gets a look in, and most of the others are pretty bad as well, so tomorrow's TV will be interesting, even though I have paid for the licence this month...

Saturday, 25 April 2015

Tim Satchell's handwriting...

Many years ago, when I was at school, our collective handwriting ranged from the reasonably neat to the absolutely unreadable and appalling scrawl! Mine was a cross between Jennings and Molesworth after several tinctures...

Our Headmaster tried to encourage us to learn the Italic method, and we all bought those square nib dip pens, and the inkwell monitor worked overtime before prep, but it was never to be, and I reverted to my spidery, wiggly writing! One day, a few years later, I had some sort of St Paul moment, and grabbing a green biro, immediately and totally changed my writing style to the one which I still use, sloping forward, and slightly above the line! It was during a history lesson, and to this day, I don't understand why it happened, but it did!

But there was one chap at school, who changed all this! Tim Satchell was slightly older than me, and he was a lovely guy back then, being artistic and sporting as well as friendly to everyone. He decided to reinvent his handwriting, by taking samples of everyone he could ask, and choosing the best bits of each style! He was meticulous in his method of choosing each letter, and adapting it to his own requirements.

And he actually succeeded, handsomely, and his handwriting became something of a wonder, because it was neat, even, and of course, easily read! I hope he kept it up, as he became a journalist, and did columns occasionally for the London press, and a few years ago did an article about getting MS, so I hope he has the slow one, not the quick and nasty one...

I found his signature in my old autograph book (remember them), the other day! He said he'd be famous one day!

Well he is in my book!

Saturday, 18 April 2015

With no apologies - 'Chinese Ovens'...


The other day, while queueing to pay for some petrol, I stood alongside the retail shelves with all manner of items, like chocolate and spanners. The stuff above just made me start to giggle, and by the time I went to pay, I was nearly a gibbering wreck!

Years ago, a very old chum used to tell me of his escapades in Australia. One of these was to go out on the town to sink a minimum of eight pints of Guinness, then go on for a Chinese or an Indian. The best part of the evening was for everyone to cram into one car, and drive home WITH ALL THE WINDOWS CLOSED!

Now that sounds like a game and a half to me...

Thursday, 9 April 2015

Down on The Farm...



Posting has been sparse recently, because there's so much to do down on 'The Patch', and also round the village, where a newly retired Scrobs is required to do this and that!

So here's a pic of 'The Patch', to show that at least the spades, forks and tillers have been doing their jobs, aided and abetted by Mrs Scroblene, who is a dab hand at couch-removal, and also catching a chum's stray chickens (not ours), and inserting them back through the hole in their netting...

Life is just too good...