Monday, 12 April 2010

Vote for the Gun and Four Bullets Party...

Senior Health Care Solution

So you're a senior citizen and the government says no health care or pension for you, what do you do?

Our plan gives anyone 60 years or older a gun and 4 bullets. You are allowed to shoot 2 MPs and 2 Senior Government Officials. Of course, this means you will be sent to prison where you will get three meals a day, a roof over your head, and all the health care you need!

New teeth? No problem - and free!

Need glasses? Great, and free!

New hip, knees, kidney, lungs, heart? All covered.

And who will be paying for all of this?

The same government that just told you that you are too old for health care. Plus, because you are a prisoner, you don't have to pay any income tax anymore.

Remember - vote G 4 P!


lilith said...

Yey! They get my vote!

Scrobs... said...

Lils, after long and hard thought, I've decided not to stand against Old Holborn in Cambridge!

It was a difficult decision, but that man will need every vote which I hereby bequeath to him as a frindly gift!

Otherwise, I'm going to stand in all the other 600 odd seats.


"G4P for you and me..."!

(Slogan sponsored by Webley-Bullock Guns Limited, firearms suppliers to the bewildered.)

rvi said...

An excellent idea but with one tiny flaw. As of about now I understand we have no MPs to shoot. Could we then perhaps replace them ad interim with Heads of qangos or perhaps corrupt chief police officers or bankers? Do we get to keep the guns for ourselves or do we have to pass them on to the pensioners next door? Do we get another go if we miss first time? After all our eyesight is not what it was and the old hands get a bit shaky now and then. Questions questions...

Scrobs... said...

Excellent grounds for debate Reevers!

Of course, it will the the thieves in the HOC which will go first! They're either in court, or on bail, so should be recognised easily!

Bankers can be included if they are the ones who are not lending money on the schemes my company are promoting. I know their names...

Quangos - definitely take the highest paid! And also the titular 'heads' of Local Authorities, and also PCTs. They're all illiterate and are paid far too much!

The gun laws are suspended of course, please read the agenda, page 786!

People over the age of Lils and me can have as many shots as they like! Preferably, they can use blanks just to make the bastards s**t themselves first. (A clear-up poo squad will be formed from the wives and sweethearts of the failures we've paid to date in government).

Eyesight is not a problem, Scrobs Glasses Inc will take care of that for free. The money will be taken from the dying hands of the failed politicians and bankers. A special Grab Squad will be formed to undertake this easy task!

I can see the manifesto building into a rather attractive scenario for change, so lets go for it!

Philipa said...

Ha! Excellent.

In addition to Reevers's point I'd like to add that Two-jags Prescott is being rumoured to being awarded a seat in the upper chamber, so please can we include 'members' of that house too?

rvi said...

SPLUTTER...YOU OWE ME A NEW KEYBOARD (again)!! Don't worry I'll charge one up to expenses.

Count me in please. Agree with Pip

Scrobs... said...

Pips, he'll be as useless there as he was when he was farting around in Whitehall.

His sadly ineffective - but very expensive - attempts at organising a new building programme were risible. In fact he's achieved nothing at all!

As you will be Minister for Clearing out The House of Lords by fair means or foul, of course you can start there.

Scrobs... said...

Reevers, you will be Minister for Strong Ales and Wines Delivery.

My address will be published on or around 7th May!

D'you like the new Logo?

It cost about one penny, because I had to use the scanner to copy the back of the envelope...!

Sum Total Expenses so far....1p.

rvi said...

Yes, I do like the new logo; very dashing and far more inspirational than all these wishy washy tree like thingies of the other lot.

Glad to see you are conserving the pennies. At £500 a time for deposits in 650 constituencies you are going to need a bob or two!

Electro-Kevin said...

An excellent idea.

(I'm serious about that)

Blue Eyes said...

My only "tweak" might be to widen the range of politicide devices available. I dislike guns and also believe that an errant bullet might enable the target to move on without too much pain or time to deliberate on what they have spent their "life" doing. Could we perhaps have an alternative pack including red hot pokers, boiling oil, racks or computer-controlled lasers?

The_Lone_Stranger said...

"Just another... Silver Bullet..."

Scrobs... said...

Reevers, I have collected adequate funds from various scams - mainly from telling the government office that I am illegal, unwanted, sick, and also invisible!

Believe me, we have enough funds to go the whole hog!

Scrobs... said...

Elecs, you are to be Minister for Transport, because you know what needs to be done!


And I'm doubling your salary, because you are a good bloke, (well Drown and Bliar did that to all their chums didn't they!

And also, Mrs Elecs is also to be financially recognised as she is your wife - and a lovely lady!

How about £100,000 p.a.?

She deserves much, much more than that bloody letterbox woman who cashes in on 'ewman roights'...

Scrobs... said...

Blues, funnily enough, I was just thinking of a name for the Ministry of Pokers, Red Hot Oil, racks and Lasers!

How'd you like to join my Cabinet?

We need blokes like you - good eggs etc!

Scrobs... said...


I actually watched the first ever TV prog with the MAN!

'Eyoop Silver; Eyoop...'

'Kimmmooosssaaabbbiii - aaaaarghhhhh'

(Fancy a job at Ministry of BBC re-runs?)

rvi said...

This arrived today. I offer it as it may make some of your potential constituents feel better.


1. Open a new file in your computer.

2. Name it "Gordon Brown"

3. Send it to the Recycle Bin.

4. Empty the Recycle Bin.

5. Your PC will ask you: Do you really want to get rid of “Gordon Brown”?

6. Firmly Click "Yes"

7. Feel better?

GOOD - Tomorrow we'll do Peter Mandelson

Scrobs... said...

Sorry not to have replied earlier Reevers, I've been preparing for my TV debate this evening!

There will be fireworkd of course, and some home truths, but I will be fair, and only smash Drown over the head a couple of time more than the others...

Like the Delete item, I'll try it all tomorrow!

ps, the Debate is in T. Wells isn't's awfully quiet here...