Friday, 4 July 2008

Nulab targets cut at a stroke...

I’ve solved the problem/phobia that this poor wasted little government has with the nation’s bad diet.

Encourage/force/cajole local authorities to open more allotments! That way, good, hard working people can toil for a year to grow fresh vegetables for their family, and then the rat-faced thieves who go and steal all the produce can live a much healthier life as a consequence.

Several government ‘targets’ get ticked in one stroke: -

1) Create a healthier nation – all those greens and carrots being ‘yucched at’ will now be consumed by grateful(ungrateful) offspring.
2) Layabouts can escape their armchairs for healthy exercise in running between plots, carrying boxes of new potatoes and soft fruit.
3) Lard futures will fall and pies will become an endangered menu item.
4) Allotment rents can be channelled directly into pensions for council ‘Allotment Outreach Co-ordinators’, and ‘Edging and Weed reduction Cooperatives’.
5) Creating an association for a ‘Love Brussels’ forum, which includes a very small tick box to ratify a little-known treaty (Lisbon) to sign away the UK.
6) Knife culture will be sliced as anything with sharp edges will be called 'cooking implements', and will appear as such on charge sheets.

You know it makes sense - don't you...

28 comments:

Lilith said...

That is a wonderful idea Scrobs! Are you in a Think Tank?

Scroblene said...

Lils, well, I was, but now I'm back out again...it's hell down there...

Mrs S has just come back from being pampered (B.day pres from Elder Daught, who got us tickets to Genesis last year), and I'm having to rush round, clearing away the glasses and odds and sods which appear directly she leaves the house...

Daisy said...

lol scroblene...i am in the process of finding those things round my house as well...funny how they multiply so quickly...

Tuscan Tony said...

Perfect plan, scrobs, allotments shouuld be mandatory, obligatory for anyone sucking on the state's teat.

Anonymous said...

Come on Scrobby the councils have been selling off allotments for building purposes for years we had loads but I think there are about 2left,even the playing fields have been sold off and now the local Hospital management are trying to build one of those new doctors hospitals on green field site (a park)about a mile away from the main hospital which was built in part of the park,

hatfield girl said...

What do you do to deal with glut? I have marrow and lettuce glut. People dodge into shop doorways in case I offer them a lettuce or two. I remember now my mother used to be quite cross (privately) with people suffering allotment glut; said they trapped her with greenery and she had to make them sponge cakes.

It's trikkier than you say Scroblene

electro-kevin said...

You've forgotten, Scrobs.

What Chavs don't buy to eat in fast food outlets they either fry or smoke.

Fried spring onions and carrots.

No good.

grumpy granny said...

HG: Glut? Simple - make soup and freeze it in plastic bags in meal size portions until you need it. I had a similar problem with millions of raspberries that grew frantically in my garden. The solution was pick, blanche very lightly, place separately on a tray to freeze individually and then collect them all up into meal size plastic bags/boxes and bung them into the freezer until needed. Soft fruit has to be frozen individually otherwise, when you defrost, all you get is a plate of mush. Fresh summer fruits over the winter is a nice treat - and moreover, it is your own.

Scroblene said...

Anon 20.33 - Er - yes you're right, and this was in some sort of response to something Elecs had reminded me of.

The playing field sell-off by this nauseous government has been a national digrace. They realised that they had a soft market when pinching these sites and also many allotments, and flexed their toxic muscles to grab anything going for their great housing experiment (Prescott's plan was the worst).

I've commented before on this -

http://scroblene-webley-bullock.blogspot.com/2007/06/lost-opportunity.html

Don't take my post too seriously; I agree with you ;0)

Scroblene said...

Elecs, some people make them into fuel for their cars!

- beloved Aston Martin' my arse...

Scroblene said...

Hats; you're right about gluts there...

I usually unload all my spare cucumbers on everyone, and a good chum admitted to once that he just chucked them on his compost heap immediately after the lorry had left...

Trouble is, you just don't know if the crop will survive each year, so you have to grow too much. I've just discovered blossom-end rot on some greenhouse tomatoes, and that means that I will need to nurture the others outside a bit more...

Anything to stay out of Sainsbury's anyway...

Scroblene said...

Daisers, you just keep looking eh...what do you keep finding btw...?

Scroblene said...

Thanks Tuscs, I am thinking of buying some barbed wire and watchtowers as well, do you know any Guards with machine gun certificates who might like a summer job...?

Philipa said...

Agree completely, Scrobs. Our 'local' allotments are a car ride away and there's a waiting list. Most gardens nowadays are paved to make parking for cars (as public transport is so crap and expensive). In fact they have knocked down a local pub to build a housing estate. Yup, an estate. The houses go for around 1/2M and the garden is around half the footprint of the house, it's really really small. For half a million! The allotments are fenced and chained as people just nick your stuff.

hatfield girl said...

GG, I shall try, but lettuce soup? The tomatoes are bottled, I've wondered how to turn the baby marrows into gherkins, but lettuce?

grumpy granny said...

HG: Yup!! Honest, it's lovely.
Try Googling "lettuce soup" and have a look at some of the possibilities with eg cream, potatoes, onions etc.

Scroblene said...

Pips, I'm sorry to hear about another pub biting the dust. Really sorry...

We atarted with half an allotment years ago. We shared it with an old doll who grew rows - some only a couple of feet long - of stuff you wouldn't buy anywhere, and was a great chum on days when we just hoed for hours...

Doesn't seem the same these days, but then a bit of old fartery creeps in!

Scroblene said...

Hats, have you ever tried deep fried lettuce?

No neither have I...

Scroblene said...

Grumpers - just get down here and we'll make a meal of everything going to waste...

You can you know!

"grumpers" said...

You youngsters have no sense of adventure - and a body's gotta eat innit? Don't know what you are missing... Go and ask Mrs S to knock you up a bowl and then come back and complain. Guaranteed better than anything you can buy in a tin or packet (and much much cheaper too!).

hatfield girl said...

I looked up 'left-overs' in my favourite cookery book. This is what it thought of as likely to be left over:
beef and ham stuffing for cabbage; meat loaf; provencal sausages; chocolate cake (CHOCOLATE CAKE?); egg whites; lamb with aubergine; pate a choux; pork or veal with aubergine and tomatoes; potato pancakes; coques and palmiers biscuits...

Where do these people live? I want their left-overs for my beginnings.

GG, they offer a recipe for braised lettuce, but like the soups it's really adding spare lettuces to other dishes. The world is short of rabbits - they convert lettuces into pies.

GG said...

HG; Try here:

http://recipes.suite101.com/article.cfm/two_recipes_for_lettuce_soup

The 2 recipes are the copyright of the author so I will not reproduce them here. Maybe your Google page is different from mine. Good hunting.

(Sorry, you'll have to copy and paste s I don't know how to do the auto click through thingy)

GG said...

http://recipes.suite101.com/article.cfm/two_recipes
_for_lettuce_soup

The address did not come out in full. Try again.

Scroblene said...

GG; Hats - Brusschetta is still my favourite left-over!

Chuck just about anything on, and as long as there is enough cheese and olive oil, (Thanks to Tuscs here...), you have the best nosh you could dream of.

I've been known to hide some bread just to get it old enough...

Oh yes, and the last bits from a corned beef tin - those that always get left in a small container, and you re-discover them a just few hours before typhoid creeps in...

We always use left overs rather like a tapas menu; which is roughly the same thing!

And also we mix left-over wines as well - delightful blending process coupled with a pleasurable and unique experience.

grumpy granny said...

Scrobs: Mr Brown would be proud of you. I shall recommend you for an OBE (which as you will know stands for Other Bu***rs Efforts).

In my houshold, left over bread gets made into a delicious nourishing bread pudding liberally sprinkled with raisins and/or currents.

Scroblene said...

Grumpers - please don't put me in a position of alignment with that awful man...

I'm back on junk food as from now, and chucking away half each time too!

Is that enough to avoid him...?

hatfield girl said...

GG Right. I have the recipe for the lettuces. (looking at that sentence I think it should be on a postcard of Piccadilly Circus and have a meaning in code.)
Pressing on, I am making lettuce soup for tomorrow's lunch. Mr HG is recovering from falling down the stairs and is in a very bad mood; it had better work.

grumpy granny said...

Our Piccadilly correspondent writes: Delighted to hear that spring is here now that the No 12 only runs on Sundays (nudge nudge wink wink...)

HG: Do please let us all know how you get on and what Mr HG thinks/thought of it. Meanwhile I shall retire to the potting shed and don my armour and crash helmet!