Nulab targets cut at a stroke...

I’ve solved the problem/phobia that this poor wasted little government has with the nation’s bad diet.

Encourage/force/cajole local authorities to open more allotments! That way, good, hard working people can toil for a year to grow fresh vegetables for their family, and then the rat-faced thieves who go and steal all the produce can live a much healthier life as a consequence.

Several government ‘targets’ get ticked in one stroke: -

1) Create a healthier nation – all those greens and carrots being ‘yucched at’ will now be consumed by grateful(ungrateful) offspring.
2) Layabouts can escape their armchairs for healthy exercise in running between plots, carrying boxes of new potatoes and soft fruit.
3) Lard futures will fall and pies will become an endangered menu item.
4) Allotment rents can be channelled directly into pensions for council ‘Allotment Outreach Co-ordinators’, and ‘Edging and Weed reduction Cooperatives’.
5) Creating an association for a ‘Love Brussels’ forum, which includes a very small tick box to ratify a little-known treaty (Lisbon) to sign away the UK.
6) Knife culture will be sliced as anything with sharp edges will be called 'cooking implements', and will appear as such on charge sheets.

You know it makes sense - don't you...