Tuesday, 8 July 2008

21 Economic Models explained with Cows - 2008 update




SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows. The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows. The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away...

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes. The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows. You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute adebt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows. You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called 'Cowkimon' and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity. You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows. Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows. You tell them that you have none. No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country. You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy....

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows. Business seems pretty good. You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows. The one on the left looks very attractive.

16 comments:

Daisy said...

i cracked up at this...thank you for the laugh...i shall be thinking cows when at work today...how fitting as the bull flows so smoothly...

Scouse Doris said...

Brilliant one Scrobbs!

I must be a surrealist - I have 2 giraffes.....now where did I put that harmonica?

Scroblene said...

Daisers! It was sent to me via several links, but kept making me laugh - so here it is for everyone!

Scroblene said...

Scysers! How are ya?

I liked that one re the giraffes too!

I'm waiting for Tuscs to comment on the Italian one, which is my favourite...

btw - is Auntie OK? Can't get her on Blogger at all these days...

Trubes said...

Ha Ha! Scrobs. That made me laugh, very good.

Di.xx

Trubes said...

P.S. New soppy post alert on Trubes!

Di.xx

The Lakelander said...

Brilliant!

I guarantee it will be on my general circulation list via e-mail.

Is there a Welsh variation on this?

idle said...

Yes, lakelander, a Welsh version:

You have two cows. The female one (let's call her Glenys) goes to Brussels and becomes idle, overfed and featherbedded. She fails to produce anything. The male one, (Kinnochio) which has little hair, but is discernably ginger, faces the knacker's yard in Britain, so is also sent to Brussels, where he too becomes idle, overfed and featherbedded. He, also, is unproductive. They both return to Britain, but Brussels continues to provide for them in their retirement.

Scroblene said...

Hi Trubes - thanks; I'll visit sops and comment if able to see screen for tears of joy etc etc...

Scroblene said...

Lakers - be my Guest!

Scroblene said...

Idle - absolutely! Some paper once totted up how much dosh was paid to them - certainly a cash cow...or pair of cows...

The Lakelander said...

Very good, Idle!

Blue Eyes said...

Whichever wag said that the internet was just an improved way of distributing porn and gossip missed out humour!

killemallletgodsortemout said...

Don't forget the scotch cow, Wendy Alexander!!

Nomad said...

I'm told that the attractive NZ cow is the one that goes "Baaa".
This has nothing to do with the fact that 87% of NZ males are named Baaasil.

Lilith said...

Excellent Scrobs :-)