Thursday, 9 September 2010

Grot...tal...stops...


Declan Kelly was the worst when he did the business slot on the Beeb at breakfast time. Now Sinome has started doing it!

Why on earth do announcers, journalists, presenters and commentators have to deliver their reports like a machine gun?

Good announcers can nearly get away with it, by putting in some inflection to each 'glot', but the worst offenders are almost unintelligible, with long periods between each syllable, some so long that I forget what they were saying half-way through the word they're stuttering! On one occasion, I went out, poured a G and T, savaged a packet of crisps and watched 'Ben Hur', (including the longer version of the chariot race) in the time it took some squeaking little sports boy to grottal a word which had nearly six syllables!

And while we're at it, 'The Turrets' now operates the 'Three yoblings and you're switched off' rule, to any one who says 'You know'. So that kicks any football-related television, (reporters, and definitely players and 'managers'). That way, we also manage to keep pretty well clear of most pop music and film presenters, so life isn't all bad is it!

'Nah meen'...?

UPDATE...

My business partner has pointed out the true description of 'Glottal stops', and over a lengthy call (Skype thank goodness), he explained the way they work. I have to confess that I thought that the delivery of rapid fire syllables, with equal time spaces between each one were the main example, but now hold my hand up and surrender to more knowledgeable beings!

He also pointed out a hilarious example of this recent trend towards upward inflection at the end of a sentence, which also drives me mad. He called it the 'Moronic Interrogative', and from now on, our meanderings over Skype will never be quite the same...

16 comments:

lilith said...

Innit! Can't stand all the "you knows". First the Umms crept in, then the Errs everywhere and now it's You Know every other word. Makes my ears bleed.

Scrobs... said...

Toadlee agree Lils!

Remember the proper New Orleans jazz man's appeal 'Hear me talkin' to ya'! Even that's been hijacked by the patois and gets lowered to 'Knowotoimean...!

Its pathetic really, but such gibberish just points to a certain solidity between the ears doesn't it?

Scrobs... said...

BTW Lils, two things; 'Toadlee' is one of Craig Brown's new 'Coobidanyer' words, which we do use at home.

And, I've got the opening fiddle bars of 'Dirt Farmer' on my rejuvenated mobile!

Thought you'd like to know!

Thud said...

As a scouser I am not allowed to comment upon English language as we have done enough damage already.

lilith said...

Excellent choice for the mobile Scrobs :-)

"Random" is a family favourite for us.

Blue Eyes said...

This week I accidentally reminded myself why I don't have the broadcast media in my home very often. I watch Sarah Beeny.

rvi said...

The best all time champ at this expression was Frank Bruno who became famous (other than for his fisticuff specialities) with his catchphrase: "Know wo' ah mean, 'arry?" when discussing any subject with now deceased commentator Harry Carpenter.

Yer no, we still use it reggalally in this hice.

Philipa said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Philipa said...

All these dreadful people with their fashionable regional phrases. Yah, it is enough to make ones ears bleed. How perfectly dreadful. Innit?

I do get quite frustrated with R4 presenters who talk very loudly on the run up that doesn't matter and the point is barely a whisper.

But little children who grow up in Italy tend to talk Italian. And little children whose mama and papa lived in the middle of The Farm in Liverpool tend to talk in a predictable accent with all the associated fashionable slang of the day. What I can't understand is why the BBC employs people with such a thick regional accent when one can't understand what they are saying, especially Irish accents. If you're broadcasting to the nation then use an accent the nation can understand. And that wouldn't be a heavy Irish brogue that, for example, pronounces 'now' as 'noiy'. Remember: rrrrrround vowels! Lush.

rvi said...

May I say how whole-heartedly I agree with Pip. Where I live, we get lots of Indian women (why always women??) reading the BBC World news who always seem to place the emphasis on the wrong words, don't know when to take a breath, and have never heard of full stops.

Occasionally we are blessed with the really dreadful Dunlop woman whose Scots accent is so broad it must be difficult to follow her even in deepest Glasgow. Many of my local friends regularly ask me what she is talking about when she is reading the news. I often have to admit I don't know either.

The BBC really needs to diversify itself out of all this inclusivity garbage and get people with accepted "received pronunciation" - ie proper Oxford English - accents that most of the rest of the world can understand. I was listening to the Pakistani ambassador to the UN last week. His pronunciation was really out of the very toppest of drawers. Immaculate and crystal clear. Many ordinary Indian businessmen interviewed also speak far better English than many UK natives. Ejercashun, innit?

Rant over.

Scrobs... said...

Thudders, I'm not sure about that, because I grew up with the Liverpool accent as the one everybody seemed to want to copy!

Something about The Beatles of course!

And you design and fix bloody good doors!

Scrobs... said...

"Random" Lils?

I'll try it - thanks!

Scrobs... said...

Blues, it took me a few seconds of Youtube to see who she was!

Agreed!

Scrobs... said...

Reevers, you're right, he mangled all sorts of words (not as badly as Prescott), but I always put it down to the fact that he'd had so many clouts in the mouth, his speech was bound to be impaired somewhat...

I did like his boxing though, in the days when we were allowed to like things like that!

Scrobs... said...

Pips, you took the words right out of my kisser/gob/cake-hole!

It seems that when I accidently turn the radio close to Radio 1 or two sometimes, I'll never get an accent which I can understand, but, perhaps that's because they talk mainly drivel, and also shout and yell all the time.

And thanks for being able to write the Belfast accent down - I've never accomplished that, although I can say it...

Scrobs... said...

Interesting that Reevers, (although I heard an Indian presenter on 5Live this morning,, and he sounded Welsh) and I often wonder why we now have to pronounce the Spanish "Z" as "th".

Why? I don't speak Spanish, so why should I?

If I'm ever going to go there again one day, then yes, I'll try and speak their tongue to the best of my ability, but bugger having to listen to newscasters who've spent a few days in Tossa once, trying to make out that we're all European now.

We're not.