Saturday, 31 July 2010

Callers...


Having just found out that I'm the 12,113,475th person to see that all Europe will be Muslim in a few years, (courtesy of an old and trusted friend who lives safely in retirement on the edge of the seventeenth fairway on a golf course somewhere near the west coast of Ireland, - thanks a bunch Roger...), we had an interesting experience today.

Doorbell bonging - JRT going berserk - me in sandals (which JRT secretly likes, because when I'm wearing them, she knows that ten various tasty digits are close enough for a quick nip in between barks, yelps and snarls if anyone comes within thirty yards of the front door) - all a recipe for a remake of 'Reservoir dogs' - or maybe 'The Long Good Friday'; I dunno...

After some confusion, I went back and round the side way to see who it was, and Mrs S (wearing sensible shoes no soubt), had already opened said portcullis to see who it was daring to ask the time of day.

And there were two Jehovas Witnesses! As large as life, friendly earnest faces asking politely of Mrs S would like a magazine, to which she turned on 'Charm profile Number 9', (reserved for such people), and suggested that they might like to give their publication to others - any others in fact...

But when they'd gone, I remembered that they represented the very people that we should encourage in the UK! They're a nice group of people, occasionally irritating, maybe misguided, but basicly sound. So I thought carefully, weighed up the pros and cons, considered the options, listened to Mrs S gently closing the door......and carried on gardening and whistling a happy tune, which is what I do at this time of day.

Can't get caught up in too much religion at my time of life; I learned the basic rules years ago, and they're fine by me.

But if I'm ever on a bus with a bomber, I'll hand him or her, their head.

30 comments:

Thud said...

I too learned to be mildly god bothering many years ago and I'm perfectly happy with my lot....as for the rest a plague upon them etc (or a well placed high velocity round)

Scrobs... said...

Like the idea of a high velocity one Thudders.

How about two low velocity ones?

killemallletgodsortemout said...

Ah, Scrobbers. Another advocate of the double-tap, I see.

I work with a JWitness. Mad as a box of frogs, and as numb as a hammer.

They don't do oral sex, you know.

The Lakelander said...

I worked with one for many years.

I always thought that he came across as a bit brain washed and no matter how hard I tried, I could never get him to swear - even once.

Scrobs... said...

Killers! Ahem I'm not sure what you mean, but then I'm in a particularly thick frame of mind at the moment...

Agree about the hammer, but I'm not sure how any conversation with a JW could end up with a question like your final para!!!

Perhaps, you could say 'Oh Blow'! instead of 'Oh bollocks' when you hit your thumb with said hammer...

In which case, they'd give you verses 45-78 - Chapter 6 of Fakawi 2, and also a stern look...

Scrobs... said...

Lakes, apparently they don't!

I didn't know that, but there again, I only ever met one girl in 1964, and apart from her living in Hastings, that's about all I can remember.

Oooooh ahhhh yes, there was a much funnier story much later about chickens coming home to roost...

I'll bore you about it in 2024!

Scrobs... said...

Actually Lakes, I only met one JW girl in 1964; no flies on me then I can assure you...

Yes, there were, I think I was on my scooter...

Electro-Kevin said...

J Witnesses don't do oral sex ?

I suppose taking one up the Bournville Boulevard is OK by them then.

lilith said...

We did leave you a copy of Watchtower when we came by, didn't we Scrobbers?

Scrobs... said...

I suggest you ask them when they next call on you Elecs...

You never know, they might like a bit of reciprocal discussion!

Scrobs... said...

Lils, you kndly left me about 300 CDs by 'The Grateful Dead', a whole stash of Levon Helm tracks and a copy of some small native children chanting a kind of hymn...

But you didn't leave me anything by Hendrix or Dylan!

I'm always living in hope though...

killemallletgodsortemout said...

Well, I wasn't going to mention it, but as E-K started it.......


My JW colleague tells me that they don't do oral or anal.

The Council Gritter is not for them, doancha know?

Scrobs... said...

Well, neither did I Killers, but as Elecs has reduced the discussion to the ecumenical equivalent of 'Deep throat', I suppose it wasn't going to take long!

And to think that I still haven't stopped laughing about a chum in 'The Argyll' pub off Oxford Street, bending over in tears of laughter, when I explained what was meant by a 'Rusty Sherriff's badge'!

And then every day or so, he'd call me in my car, and start off with..."Calling Chocolate Starfish, Calling Chocolate Starfish..."

Some blokes never grow up, but I nearly crashed from similar laughter, so he didn't get it all his own way...

lilith said...

That's alright then Scrobbers. Can't have too much Grateful Dead :-)

ranter said...

Good Lord! E-K seems more than a tad obsessed with inetercourse per the rusty sherrif's badge!

I'm never rude to JW's I just have a nice short, polite chat and refuse their kind offer of a mag and wish them a good day.

There's plenty more out there who are more than deserving of a double-tap or failing the availability of that a nice loud Fuck Off!

Scrobs... said...

Lils, all this excitement about Elecs's personal (now public tastes), has only started since he visited 'ChezElbers'nLils...'

What on earth have you done to the poor chap?

Regarding all those 3,000 tracks of the Grateful Dead, I can tell you that I've nearly finished listening to the first one, and will wait a while before I start on the other 2,999! They are good aren't they!

I've also finished the "Totally Holy" Sudoku in the magazine you left as well, so now I really know who my friends are! ;0)

Scrobs... said...

Ranters! Welcome back to Kent after spending the last few days about three inches off the ground in purple rage!!!

Yes, I'm worried about Elecs, as I think that's twice or three times he's strayed from the Parental Content switch on the PC here, and I'm beginning to think that I may have to ask Clare Rayner (if she's still around that is...), what I should do about it!

We're never rude to JWs either, because you never know whether you might need one in an emergency!

What I'm itching to do, is a saved post I've been working on for an hour, and have to keep looking at different websites to see what Elecs means - or anyone else for that matter, especially as I still don't know the meaning of 'Double tap'!

Is it a back-up instrument for incontinence?

Killers wouldn't tell me!

lilith said...

Scrobbers, I fear we are too innocent and sheltered for the blogosphere. I think it must have something to do with Kevin going camping with The Beast. Perhaps I should buy him one of these?

killemallletgodsortemout said...

A double tap is a shooting technique where two well-aimed shots are fired at the same target with very little time in between shots. (Two low velocity ones?)

Not to be confused with double penetration, Scrobs, me old mucker.

Scrobs... said...

Aaaah Lils, now that would solve the whole problem wouldn't it!

I remember looking at the buttons on an armchair in some furniture store once, and they looked like the bum of our first dear cat, so from then on in, I'm afraid, I keep pointing at button back chairs and remembering the softest old cat you could imagine...

(collapses in floods of tears, and wends his way to the window to stare aimlessly at the dark...)

Scrobs... said...

Killers!

Thank you so much, because although I look thick, I don't really mean it, but here I was flummoxed by the perverted discussions relating to old fashioned tea towel holders an' the like, and I'm afraid my CCF training went by the board...

I'm so pleased that I know, that I'll dance a merry jig...

Didja see that; didja, didja...?

Scrobs... said...

BTW Lils, I've been over to Elecs' place and he refuses to come out at all.

I reckon Mrs Elecs has told him off or soething don't you?

lilith said...

Perhaps it is a shame-attack, Scrobs ;-)

rvi said...

Been offline for a bit - and come back to all this strange language...

Awaiting my attention in the inbox was
this little something to lighten the mood which I am sure will not disturb the, umm, equanimity and equilibrium of your illustrious readership in the slightest. You can always ask the next lot of JW's who call in for a quick look too.

Scrobs... said...

It has to be hasn't it Lils!

Rushes in here, mucks it up for everyone, then buggers off to leave us all to clear up!

I don't know where the world's going to...

Scrobs... said...

Ha ha ha Reevers!

Don't worry about being late on parade, we've had total melt down for very little reason...

Love the clip - thanks!

Electro-Kevin said...

... er - I meant indulging in a bar of chocolate is all, Folks.

(Like Lilith's link. Don't tell me she's bought two for her dogs !)

lilith said...

No Kev, I bought one for you and one for Beast.

Philipa said...

I'm religious. I'll remember not to stand next to you on the bus, Scrobs.

Scrobs... said...

I'd offer you my seat Pips!