Thursday, 10 June 2010

Lilith forces second amendment...

As Lils, who is probably the funniest commenter here has explained; there are serious gaps in Microsoft's ability to retain sympathy from normal people.

The 'Cricket Bat Syndrome' was first identified during a 1920's three day match between Kent and Somerset, when the bowler, Mr J. De B'Serk, actully bowled a delivery which, after nearly taking off the left ear of Umpire Encrarsent (don't ask) Noggins, followed a vertical - then curiously parabolical route for several cubits before descending directly on the stumps of the unfortunately short sighted batsman, Mr A. Tuscers of Millard.

The result was a tie, as A.G.Macdonnell was going to record. (This happened just before his famous description of his famous village match, but in the ensuing melee, he lost most of his notes, and was escorted from the premises by Sergeant C. Onstable, with various pints of Old and Mild emanating from various orifices in his country-woven smock).

But of course, Mr William Gates, as is his wont, has captured the gist of the incident and introduced it as a 'file error' message on all his damned computer software.

Lilith, in her infinite wisdom, has requested a solution, and by virtue of this post, I'm sure that there will be several hundred responses, (many from over-excited chaps who may know/wish to know the lovely lady, [Editor's Note - just P*** off, you know it makes sense]), to alleviate the situation, and restore her computer to its original composure.

There's a distinct possibility that I will have to moderate comments if anyone gets out of line here!

You have been warned!

Hat tip E.D.


lilith said...

Thank you Scrobbers - I particularly love "Computer says no" at the top!

I am thinking of getting rid of the bloody thing altogether as it is more habit forming than cigarettes and because it takes half an hour and three or so reboots for it to get going in the morning. The computer isn't much good either.

Scrobs... said...

Aw Lils, keyboard cleaner needed urgently!

You could try and reinsert Windows, it isn't rocket science, and even I managed it with the minimum of red wine, but the anxious moments are built in to make it seem worthwhile to the software designers, who are all nerds even if they do love their mothers...

But your comment has still made me laugh again; thanks so much!

Scrobs... said...

Lils, I just thought, you could try a freebie prog like CCleaner. It does clear out an awful lot of crap.

If you want details, let me know.

lilith said...

Thanks, Scrobs. Elby has been swearing at it a lot lately and muttering about hating f-ing computers, sticking this disk in and reloading that programme. It will all be alright in the end!

rvi said...

Hallo everybody, we are back after a splendid little walkabout ending with a sour discourse with a "security" jobsworth at the airport who would not let the missus through with a freshly bought and unopened 300ml jar of honey in her hand luggage.
"Too big you see. Anything liquid over 100ml is too big, so you can't take it".
So it's alright if I bring ten 100ml jars but not one of 300ml then?
"Rules says it's too big so you can't take it".

Not even though just inside the duty free zone is exactly the same product in even larger jars which can of course be bought and carried in hand luggage. The world really has gone quite mad and unthinking jobsworths do nothing to help remedy the insanity.

Then when I got home the comp, which must have been secretly monitoring this site in our absence, wouldn't start. It switched on ok and then nothing. We tried for a couple of hours to see if the fault would clear, but no luck. So I took it to my tame comp shop this morning where the young lad plugged it in and (naturally) it started perfectly first time! No messages about Windows recovering from serious errors, being hit with a blunt instrument or even having the wrong kind of leaves in the hard disc etc. The lad gave me a pitying look, charged me a few bob for his trouble, and said try plugging it into a different socket".

So I brought it home again, joined it up and all is tickety boo again. My conclusion is that this machine was sulking because we did not take it with us on our travels. They know you know, they really do....cackle cackle cackle....

Scrobs... said...

Lils "hating f-ing computers", is a regular statement echoing around the Turrets.

I was given a super camera (by a great friend, who likes the latest cameras, and has to reduce the loading on his floor from all the old cameras he has stockpiled and doesn't use), which apparently does everything, and despite re-reading the instruction book (the size of The Complete Works of Tolstoy in eighteen languages), I'm still blissfully unaware of how to do some things on it!

I'm now on page 2 yet again (check everything is in the box)...

Scrobs... said...

Reevers! Welcome back!

Seems like a scenario for a Honey Trap! It is always galling when such small irritants seem to take over from the really good parts of a holiday.

I'm glad you're back on line anyway, and I agree, computers do sulk, and also will deliberately slow down the moment you want something done in a hurry, like print off something, and everything just seizes up and grunts to a halt for an hour or so.

Trubes said...

Hello Scrobs Darhling,
very funny and the coments from all, ditto.
Talking of 'slow', my PC too, drives me potty, with it's 'stop start's, slowdown habits.
DT took out a contract with Talk Talk, purely to save money, and now, I'm forever, sitting, tapping my fingers, waiting to get to my chosen site.
All in the name of economy!...Trollocks!

Hope all is well at the Turrets, I'm still waiting for inspiration to write another yarn....Any ideas will be truly welcome!

LOL from the recliner..