Wednesday, 10 March 2010

New security in its simplest form...



Mr Elias Sagtrouser has installed a new scanner at the entrance to his yard. This will identify anyone carrying explosives in the simplest way imaginable!

It is a small booth (actually, an old shower cubicle left over from a redundant site originally sold on by Quentin ffoxley-Cabbage), and the customer enters through the folding glass door.

If the visitor is carrying explosives, the special piece of kit on the wall triggers a blast of 50,000 volts, which immediately explodes the said visitor, and vapourises him or her to total oblivion.

Funnily enough, Mr Sagtrouser has no worries about anyone getting into his establishment and blowing theselves up!

Sometimes I think this man should be in charge of national security, but he's too smart for that, and also has to work for a living.

12 comments:

rvi said...

How does Herr Saggypants know that this solyoooshun works?

En passant, did your secretary tell you she had a call from the Ministry of Pedants today to inform you that likely early volunteers to test this system will include those who insert redundant apostrophes in post headings and do not proof read their texts carefully before posting. She apparently told him to bug... er.. that you were too busy earning a living to worry about such details. Good lass that one.

Scrobs... said...

You're right Reevers, and I spent at least a minute staring at the heading before saying 'Oh, bugger it, Reevers won't be watching out for this for a few days...'

Thanks! I'll alter it...
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bummer that one 'JRT', got it wrong there...they've only been back a couple of days and now they're moaning on and on and on about a blasted lttle apostrophe...
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.JRT - "Woof..."

Scrobs... said...

And Reevers, never under-estimate the power of the clan Sagtrouser!

Meccano (local blade but amiable son) is rapidly learning the trade and has a useful baseball bat safely stashed under the driving seat of his customised Hummer...

His Dad and I are regulars in the discussions regarding the downfall of the Gordon B-Ruin utter disaster for GB Inc.

On the other hand, if you believe that, then I'm afraid...

Philipa said...

I think those scanners are an infringement of my Uman Rights. Everyone knows that radiation causes cancer and I've had enough to glow in the dark. Mr Sagtrousers booth might be the straw tha breaks the camels back. I'm afraid I'm going to have to go elsewhere for my supplies :-(

Scrobs... said...

I think Mr Sagtrouser thinks more about the safety and welfare of his paying customers than bothering to let Cherie Booth sponge even more fees from Yewmin Roights legislation Pips!

Just for you though, he'll arrange an online account...;0)

Philipa said...

Can't I just be inspected in person rather than by machine? Much more fun.

*sigh* An online account will allow me to shop from home so, what do I need?

1 x lintel for a 12ft window,
1 x new bathroom suite
1 x Mira shower,
Tiles to surround,
cement, sand and slabs to pave approx 12x4m.
Mortar to re-point.
Exterior paint to paint house once repointed.
etc.
etc.
etc.

I'll just get on with the washing up and try not to think about it. It's far too scary.

rvi said...

Scrobs: It is no use trying to get JRT on your side as, being a sensible little fellow, he knows on which side his Boneos are buttered....

But I did warn you I was sharpening my fingernails!!

The wv for this is "emockup". Perhaps Pip should get an online quotation first? How long is the queue to give her a personal inspection?

Scrobs... said...

Pips, Meccano is always doing that... I'll send him a photo...

As for your order, I'll send him personally too! ;0)

Scrobs... said...

Reevers, she is an erudite little dog, and always on my side, or with Mrs S...

She doesn't like us leaving the house separately, which is a trait I don't really understand!

She associates me leaving the place with my briefcase clicking shut, and barks, and if we just say 'bugger' when something drops off the table, she darts over to investigate...

Philipa said...

Thanks, Scrobs. I've often been told I need to get a man in.

Electro-Kevin said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Electro-Kevin said...

Search device for men: Xray

Search device for women: echo sounder