Tuesday, 22 January 2008

Mice...


You couldn’t make it up!

I’m now the High Priest of Puntoism! Yup; I’m in charge of everything Supercharged Testosteronito Fiat Puntos do from now on…!

You see, Mrs S has recently been complaining about her shopping bags being nibbled by mice – the bags are all kept in the Punto boot, to save buggering about when she goes to Sainsburys. Wise move, as she is very careful about shopping bags in case the bottles get broken, or the wine boxes become misshapen. Apart from the invasion of the mice, (which caused a major upset in the ‘Turrets’, as I had to find the nasty blue stuff to see them off), the windows had both stopped again, and so had the electric key. Down to me to sort it out…

Fiat have an evil person based somewhere in Italy, who designs the special tools and plastic shapes to hold them in, somewhere round the spare wheel, where mice might congregate, making plans for the night. He is an utter bastard! I spent half an hour trying to get the spare wheel back in, and broke the plastic ‘Da Vinci code’ wheel retainer puzzle in the process. So that went in the bin.

Mrs S stormed off to the woods with JRT, and I fumed in the rear part of the car, saying f*** and b***** b******, and f*** several times again. It really was getting to me – and it’s such a nice day!

The poison was laid in two of those flower pot trays, so that would see off the rodents; and, I got in and turned the key to get the s** going again, by now shrieking profanities in Italian, French and Welsh. Yelling ‘Now you B******’, and punching the driver’s door with a left hook, the window started working perfectly, and leaning over, still screaming inanely, and delivering a backward left hook, the passenger door window did the same!
Two squirts of WD40 later, and Mrs S now has Methane Powered Rodent-Free working model of a Fiat-Ferrari-Maserati Punto, with a small dent where I punched it a bit too hard, and a dead mouse somewhere between here and Hastings…

17 comments:

Anonymous said...

haha very funny. Well, I know it wasn't at the time.

I had a mouse in the innards of my car recently. I had no idea what to do. So I just set a mouse trap with a piece of cheese on it. Three nights running the little blighter managed to nick the cheese and escape unscathed. But I got it in the end.

It;s so long since I opened the windows in my car that I have no idea if they work or not. It's always raining here.

Do you speak Welsh then? Or can you only swear in Welsh?

Daisy said...

omg you cracked me up...really i have tears i have been laughing so hard...

i just had an incident with a guinea pig...a friend called me last sunday and asked me to come kill her daughter's pig (he was dying and suffering)...well i am the last damn person you want killing anything (except fish, i do that well)...i ended up picking up the pig and calling my sister on the way home to ask what to do with this rodent explaining my plan was to set a rat trap and chase him towards it (i didn't know what to do)...sister works as a vet tech...told me to take it to the ER at her clinic and she would make up a story so i wouldn't have to pay to have it put down...i take it there...(oh my god the story - she told them i drove up to a gas station and found someone trying to kill it and took it from them)...i get there and the vet said it wasn't so bad off...he was going to fix it (my friend's daughter wanted the pig back to bury it)...i just thought to myself...this shit doesn't really happen does it...ended up they wanted to operate on it...amputate the leg was going to cost over $1000 for a damn guinea pig!!! i told them it wasn't my pig they could do what they wanted...my sister gave me some ashes from a dead cat her mother had kept...i emptied my ashtray to fill the cat urn...and it was done...and no i couldn't have made that one up if it hadn't happened...sorry so long...

Trubes said...

Confession of a Rodent Murderer: Part Two:
I had to dispose of a pet mouse, it was covered in cancerous growths.I put it in a small polythene bag and sealed it. The little creature was dead within seconds. I then put him back in his cage. The kids believed it`d just died of natural causes.
I did confess when they were all grown up !

Murderess Trubes !

killemallletgodsortemout said...

Right-ho, Scrobs!!!

I've got a hearse and three limos that need servicing.

B***ocks to paying all that dosh to Jags to do it, when you can sort it for a few well-aimed profanities and a can of WD 40.

How much for the four? I'll chuck a few dead mice in for nowt.

Scroblene said...

Relucs - yer right, Mrs S was becoming animated and fair enough, it is her car, and the alternative is to go to Bill down the road, and he's a great chap, but at thirty notes a whack on each door, well, sod it...

I've never realised before that mice get in cars, and what damage they could do; then thought hard about it; then said 'oh b*******...'

Don't speak Welsh, but went to school there years ago. My dream would be to retire to the Elan Valley, rebuild a cottage from scratch, and live in peace and quiet with Mrs S and JRT - hence the occasional reference. If I say it often enough, it could work, but somehow I've got to keep working for a few years to do it.

Scroblene said...

Hiyas Daisers;

That's a fantastic yarn, I love it! BTW, never leave a pet with us as the last rabbit we looked after croaked after three days' poor thing. It wasn't our fault, but we had to plant it in their garden and tell them what we'd done.

They didn't give a damn either!

Scroblene said...

Trubes! Lovely story; and quite right, you must confess later.

How are you is more to the point?

Scroblene said...

Killems - cracked up at this; so funny!

Jags are extra, as I may set off the airbags. I've just had a mental pic of a coffin in a hearse on it's side, surrounded by sagging airbags, and three undertakers punching their way through with a mouthfull of nails and a hammer; just in case...

I'm checking the Punto V16 when it's light, but the stuff sends them back home to die. I just hope they get home before they do...

Tuscan Tony said...

I bet she's badgering you for a cinquecento shortly, they've been on the roads here for a few months now and IMHO are one of the best looking modern cars I've ever seen

hatfield girl said...

Mr HG was once woken in the night by cowering going on next to him. Squeaks were eventually separated between wife and mouse. So he dealt with it by bodily picking up the wardrobe and throwing it to catch the mouse between frocks and wall.

electro-kevin said...

This was a funny tale (tail ???) a cheap pun (-to) at your expense, Scrobs.

Daisy - that was sooo funny.

Wifey took one of our lame rabbits to the vet - it had had a stroke quite obviously. I was away at work. The vet talked her into starting treatment there and then at £400 and a cheque was passed.

This 'treatment' included a shot and some ear drops with another appointment scheduled for when we would doubtless be fleeced again.

A few days later the rabbit was found dead in its hutch. My boy Jake said "Daddy - its funny how Lilly never looks at you the same way since Harry died."

Kids have great shit-detectors.

Scroblene said...

Aw Tuscs; now you're talking!

I think I've mentioned that Mrs S and I did quite a lot of courting in a Fiat 500! Don't ask...

We loved this little car, and after it was due to fail its MOT, my Dad gave it to me to see if I could mend it. (it used to be my Mum's car). Half an aluminium greenhouse, several metal window beads, a load of plastic padding stuff and a small acreage of garden wire fence made it go for three years afterwards, and we were well pleased!

I even got two child seats bolted into the back, and also nearly took my hand off while changing the starter motor...

If you were biking along the road from Rye to New Romney on your trip round here; you would have seen it in a field, as I sold it to a farmer chum for £40! He used it off-road for years, getting round his flocks by night...

I love the new one! Mrs S will have one when our boat comes in, which by todays' reckoning will be about 2089...

Scroblene said...

Hats! Great to hear from you!

On inspection this morning, the little blighter(s) had eaten all the bait and b******* off! I only hope they took the left turn by the steering wheel and finished up by the garden wall, as there is going to be an enormous stench in a few days time when the heating gets turned up...

Love the wardrobe tale. You wouldn't believe what was going through my mind as I read about wardrobes, mice and frocks in dissarray...;0)

Scroblene said...

Elecs; as usual, grown-ups get found out!

Elder Daught and her chums were sitting on their school lawn one summer, playing with another chum's pet hamster, who was running free.

Out of the blue, a bloody great bird flew down, grabbed it and flew off; just like that!

I felt more sorry than any of the girls, but I bet the hamster felt he'd drawn the short straw that day, which of course was his last...

Lilith said...

Mrs Scrobs is so lucky to have such a technically minded alpha male for a husband. I am always in awe of how good men are with mechanical things...:-)

Scroblene said...

Lils,

Mrs S has just bought her outfit for Younger Daught's wedding today. The look on her face is exquisite, and she'll look stunning!

That's my reward as well as hers; mending cars comes way down the list, although I've just discovered a loose bolt on the floor of my car, and have got back home tonight wearing a very wobbly driver's seat...

Aaah well, start again tomorrow eh?

You have a great W/E!

Lilith said...

Oh Scrobs, your little girl is getting married! Life goes too fast sometimes. How gorgeous.