Wednesday, 12 July 2017

Only in America...

DUI Texas style:

          Only a person in Texas could think of this...
          From the county where drunk driving is considered a sport, comes this true story.

          Recently a routine police patrol parked outside a bar in Austin, Texas. After last call the officer noticed a man leaving the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk.

          The man stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer quietly observing.

          After what seemed an eternity in which he tried his keys on five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall into it.

          He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left the bar and drove off.

          Finally he started the car, switched the wipers on and off; (it was a fine, dry summer night), flicked the blinkers on and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the lights.

          He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little and then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other patrons' vehicles left.

          At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he pulled out and drove slowly down the road.

          The police officer, having waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on the flashing lights, promptly pulled the man over and administered a breathalyzer test.

          To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all!

          Dumbfounded, the officer said, I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the police station. This breathalyzer equipment must be broken.
         "I doubt it", said the truly proud Redneck.  'Tonight I'm the designated decoy.'


rvi said...

Oldie but goldie!! That had whiskers on it when I was a teenager! Another of the same variety!


A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a Trans-continental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, .......... 'Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold.'

'I have a better idea,' she replied 'Just for tonight, ...... let's pretend that we're married.'

'Wow! .................... That's a great idea!', he exclaimed.

'Good,' she replied. .............. 'Get your own bloody blanket.'

After a moment of silence, .. he farted.

The End

Michael said...

Still makes me laugh out loud, Reevers! Thank you!

Just got on to my site to get away from the disgraceful undignified dribbling BBC bias against President Trump.

We have to pay for all this bloody crap, hopefully, you stay clear of it all.

rvi said...

Yup, we totally ignore the Beeb, Al Jazeera and CNN etc although they are available on our satellite feed. We do spend a few minutes on Sky first thing in the morning, late evening your time, but that doesn't usually last for more than 10-15 minutes before we get thoroughy fed up/extremely angry and switch to something more pleasant.

Thud said...

My gibberish scouse accent comes in handy sometimes when faced with the po po(as our less fortunate brothers say)

rvi said...

Aaaggghhh!! There is no end to it!

My "newspaper" today carried an article to the effect that the so-called BBC is now formally linking up with the American CBS (Clinton Broadcasting Service) corporation. They have a 30 minute slot here on the Sky channel at about 10.00am local (roughly 3am your time - so you are all safely tucked up in bed and do not get affected by it). Yhis tempts us to rapidly switch to either a sport or history channel.

So lots of lefty, persistent anti-Trump bollocks all round then!

(I don't think this is fake news!).

A K Haart said...

After being married for thirty years, a wife asked her husband to describe her.
He looked at her for a while ... then said, "You're
A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K."
She asks ... "What does that mean?"
He said, "Adorable, Beautiful, Cute, Delightful, Elegant, Foxy, Gorgeous, Hot.
She smiled happily and said ... "Oh, that's so lovely ... What about I, J, K?"
He said, "I'm Just Kidding!"
The swelling in his eye is going down and the doctor is fairly optimistic about saving his testicles.