Sunday, 13 November 2016

The idylls of Basil Kalashnikov...

Well, as mentioned by one of our best bloggers earlier this week, 'Bugger me'!

Mr Kalshnikov has been raging and shrieking to nobody in particular, why he wanted to have Ms Billary on his table (not literally I hope - Ed), and that now she has been kicked out, he has to put up with Mr Trumpet and his lovely wife, who accompanies him everywhere, and irons his socks!

Mr Trumpet has always argued that the bus lay-by issue wouldn't ever go away, well, not until next Thursday anyway, and now he is on the Wongs and Mains Committee, he can do what he damn well likes can't he! Mrs Trumpet has already ordered a new suit from Poundland, and says she is looking forward to Christmas as well, when Mr Trumpet has offered to take her on a cruise to somewhere or other, on his yacht, which is a second-hand version of the 'Saint Philip Green', another floating gin-palace.

PC Lumbersnatch burst into tears, at the news of Sid Trumpet's enormous vote, as did all the other luvvies, out of work actors, bad singers and crap bands, who rely on the sort of people like Ms Billary and 'Willy' Clinchton for making them rich, even though they have no talent!

For consolation, Mr Clinchton took Ms Billary back to his small home in Emmerdale, and she microwaved him his favourite dinner of grits, biscuits and gravy, and afterwards, he gave her an old pendant, but only once.

So everyone else is to blame for the Billary fiasco aren't they! Directly the small yob clique in the village heard via their various thickphones, they broke the local bus shelter and shouted at everyone who doesn't drink lager.

Sid Trumpet took a call from Mr Kalashnikov, but couldn't understand a single word he said, so put the phone down on him mid-splutter.

Willy Clinchton is still ashen-faced.


rvi said...

You leave me speechless.

One can only hope that Lumberjack, or whatever that spineless creature is called, gets himself a spine - or as we used to say -"grows a pair" and starts looking firmly into the goings on in the bike sheds behind the post office. If he looks carefully he may even find the ashes of those missing postcards. Digits crossed!!

Michael said...

Indeed, PC Lumbersnatch is a weed! He'sll go to any lengths to avoid being in trouble himself, despite the manic ravings of Mr Kalashnikov!

Ms Billary will turn out to have been ill all the time, and Willy would be exonerated - whatever that entails! It's the way these evil politicians work, Sid Trumpet can now dish out the punishments whenever he likes!

A K Haart said...

I hear Ms Billary has been poorly but nothing a stiff drink and a spot of peasant thrashing won’t cure. Mr Clinchton seemed distraught when I saw him early one morning running around the village with his golf clubs and box of cigars.

“As if pursued by the Banshee” said an old chap seated on a deckchair by the site of the proposed new bus layby. He offered me a swig of Dodgy Pollster but I managed to decline his kindness. I realised much later that he was only in the deckchair because he couldn’t get out. Maybe PC Lumbersnatch will put him on his feet but I doubt it. He has ideas above his station - the one with the sagging roof.

Michael said...

A dash of Southern Comfort won't keep Ms Billary fro the courts, Mr H, believe me!

The bus layby issue just won't go away, it is cast in stone that parking spaces for failed politicians are there for the taking, so we'll all just watch while Sid Trumpet takes over, tells Willy to piss off, and then his ugly person-attachment the same.

Senator O'Blene's coterie (Mrs O'Blene and several cohorts of similar undress), will make sure of that!

To be sure!

So be it!