Tuesday, 9 June 2015


As a nod - even a bow - maybe a genuflect, to my co-conspirator, Mr A.K Haart, I've just remembered that I managed to get a letter published in The Daily Telegraph, some many years ago.

As a normal sort of gentleman, I have to remember that there are days when there are considerations for the qualities of  'CB', or 'DB'!

'OK, Scrobs', you say, 'what on earth are you on about now you silly old sod'!

Well, here's the answer!

An old chum told me that when he was at a large boarding school, a master used to say to him, with regular enthusiasm - and to everyone else who bothered to listen - that today was 'Bit CB today', (Chum)', or he might say 'Bit DB today', (Chum)'!

One day, after several years of this, my Chum churningly asked him what he meant by 'DB' and 'CB'!.

"My dear chap', replied the (happily married) master! 'CB' equals 'crinkle balls', and 'DB' equals 'dangle balls'! It depends on the weather, and the temperature, dear boy"!

And the point of my reference to Mr Haart?

Well, I bought some underpants from Marks and Spencers some years ago, and during a 'natural session', when such labels are arrayed, I noticed, over several days, that some of them were manufactured in Israel, and some were made in Egypt!

I thought this was the magnificent lead to world peace! Nope..., but at least I got a phone call from a gorgeous old lady chum, requesting details of which pair I was wearing that particular day...

Sometimes, pants are for World Peace!


rvi said...

Your older readers will recall that some years ago there was what was known as "the Arab boycott of Israel" whereby anything and everything made/produced/provided by any company associated with the "Chosen Ones" (ie was founded by, or had a Jewish person on the Board) was victimised by those fellows from the Sandylands who refused - or rather were instructed by their Governments - to not buy their goods.

I happened to be earning a crust in the Middle East at the time, when these now huge, ugly, concrete jungles were merely patches of sand or fishing villages, and distinctly recall every Arab, both males and females, who went to England for a holiday/shopping (no glitzy Malls about in those days) always came back home with the labels cut off their undies purchased by the case load from dear old M&S, just in case some over-zealous Customs loon confiscated them (probably for their own use).

The airport Customs officers in certain countries out that way are (or were) always eager to seize any bottles of alcohol being brought in by travellers. They become extremely efficient at this around the time of any Eid. I once had to collect somebody at the airport who was arriving from England. The duty Customs bod asked him if he was carrying any liquor. He replied in the affirmative - at which point the duty bod instructed him to hand it over saying alcohol was strictly forbidden in the country. But having been a regular visitor, the traveller knew full well that cocktail parties and other similar functions were always well supplied with supposedly haram hooch and that his bottle was likely to end up on an Arab's sideboard and be displayed with a certain amount of pride (been there; done that). So the guy nonchalantly pulled his unopened bottle of Scotch from his briefcase, held it in front of him and then, purely accidentally of course, just let it drop from his grasp on to the concrete floor, smashing into little pieces and with the liquid all over the place. He then said to the officer: "If I can't have it, I see no reason why you should either" and walked out of the Customs hall leaving the local completely stunned.

Michael said...

Fantastic yarn, Reevers!

Awful time for real people, but there again, they knew what they were getting into...

A K Haart said...

So global warming is a load of DB.

Michael said...

Globule warming has always been a way for gummint to engage a market for bloated subsidies, Mr H, and therefore they are guilty of squandering the Yurrup purse for such extravagance.

I wish I was younger, and was able to cash in on such stupidity! I'd have been a millionaire now!

rvi said...

Scrobs, offer to put a few wind machines on your allotment. The subsidies will produce more than a few truck loads of tomatoes and beans! :-0