Tuesday, 27 November 2012
Nicholas Lyndhurst joins New Tricks team's enquiry into Kent Themerama - part 3 (a)...
The story so far; Sandra has been getting Gerry to tell her a few things, and Strickland has a visit from a surly BBC apparatchik, to tell him that there is going to be a cast change, and Raedney Trolliter is joining the team...
Sandra: - "Thanks Gerry, nice one, hit the spot! Now chaps, there's a new name joining us!"
Jack: - "Bah goom, Sandra, they'll be pensioning me off soon!"
Sandra: - "They have pensioned you off, Jack, several episodes ago!"
Brian: - "I'm still here though!"
Sandra: - "Er, no, Brian, you're next; Strickland's orders!"
Brian: - "Raedney Trolliter - computer expert from Peckham, brother of Delbert Trolliter-Larkin, a scrap metal dealer from Pluckley!"
Gerry: - "Have I still got a job then Sandra?"
Sandra: - "You'll always have a job, Gerry, but we do need to get some work done before the new bloke arrives!"
Raedney: - "Cooeeee, anyone at home?"
Sandra: - "Over here, Raedney, introduce yourself!"
Raedney: - "Sandra, you must be Sandra! I'll call you Cassandra, after a lady I once knew, and loved...! Come here my petal, take my hand, ohhh, you're so delicate, like a tiny bird, waiting for sunset, and laying her soft feathers against a small wing...!"
Sandra: - "Right, that's enough of that! Into my office, I'm going to de-brief you!"
Brian: - "Blimey! So that's how it's bloody well done! (picks up phone). 'Esther? Come here my peta..., what?...why should I fook off...'!"
Gerry: - "Silly old git!"
(five minutes later)
Sandra: - "Right, I've got it all now chaps! Raedney has just given me the griff!"
Jack: - "So that's what they call it now is it Cassandra...?"
Sandra: - "You still here, Jack, I've got one last job for you! Check out Cynthia Molestrangler's reasons for flying off to Tenerife with a lad called Elvis Willy, immediately after Eoinker Starborgling got planning permission for the modest 95,000 sq. ft. supermarket on the Kent Themerama site, and why there are now seventeen buildings instead of three being built!"
Jack: - "That's a tall order Cassandra!"
Sandra: - "You'll manage, and don't call me Cassandra, I'm a Detective Inspector!"
Gerry: - "ELVIS WILLY! That little creep! I banged him up three times a few years ago for nicking sweets from Arkwright's corner shop!"
Brian: - "Elvis Willy, the first person to be fined during the hosepipe ban! Aaaah! Used to work as a yard man at Elias Sagtrouser's Sand and Spanner Emporium! Had a job humping sacks of cement and sand! Blimey, that's not all he humped...blimey, no, no; noooo...! Well, I'll go to the foot of our stairs!"
Gerry: - "Here, can I have a copy of that list!"
Brian: - "Printing page seventeen as we speak, Gerry!"
Raedney: - "Cassandra just whispered that we're going to have a few changes round here, Gerald!"
Gerry: - "She won't get it all her own way!"
Brian: - "Here you are Gerry, look at page eight, and ten, then twice on page fifteen!"
Gerry: - "Blimey, that Cynthia Molestrangler's a bit of a goer, isn't she?"
Brian: - "Naaaaw, look at the other name right at the bottom...!"
Gerry: - "Whaaaaat! 'Cassandra Poolmon'! Surely not! Is that right Brian?"
Jack: - "Heh heh heh, what a bit of luck! Our Sandra's been 'inspired' by Elvis Willy! Wait till I tell Mary!"
Sandra: - "That's enough of that chaps, Strickland's ordered a new broom round here. We're getting new men in, and you know who has owned the same broom for twenty years don't you, with three new brushes, and four new handles...!"
Jack, Gerry, Brian: - "Not Trigger!"
Raedney: - "The very same person chaps, he's starting next week!"
Sandra: - "Thank you Dave, time for another 'inspiration', I think! My office now!"
...to be continued, if anyone is really bothered about what happens next...