Sunday, 25 December 2011

Xmonius cahke repice...

Christmas Cake Ingredients:

1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 lb flour
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
1 tsp lemon juice
4 large eggs
5 oz Nuts
1 bottle of Vodka
2 cups of dried fruit

Sample the vodka to check quality.
Take a large bowl check the vodka again.
To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon of sugar. Beat again.
At this point it's best to make sure the vodka is shtill OK.
Try another cup, just in case turn off the mixerer.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
Pick fruit off floor.
Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers pry it loose with a sdrewscriver.
Sample the vodka to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt. Or something. Who giveshz a shit.
Check the vodka.
Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
Add one table.
Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven and pee in the fridge.
Turn the cake tin 350 degrees and try not to fall over.
Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the vodka and kick the cat.
Fall into bed.


h/t Digger Dave...


rvi said...

Thish reshipy alsho werksh with shshshcchnnappsh.

By the way, were you aware that one of the 3 wise men was exceptionallly tall? It is reported that the stable door was quite low, so when he bent to enter he accidentally bumped his head on the door frame.

"Jesus Christ!!!" he exclaimed, rubbing his forehead vigorously.

Mary looked up and said; "Hey! That's a good name. We was gonna call 'im Fred."

Enjoy the what's left of the vod... er... holiday - and we (ie me and the other 3 reders) look forward to further discourse and rampant lunacy in 2012.

Electro-Kevin said...

I've beeen bachkt o work alraedy.

Scrobs... said...

Ha ha ha Reevers!

Happy New Year to you all, I think your's starts a bit before ours doesn't it?

Scrobs... said...

Shurely not in that state Elecs...?

Happy New Year anyway!

rvi said...

Yup, we get to have our fireworks a bit earlier than you.

HNY to you and yours and all the other inhabitants of Scrobsville-on-net..

Off to the seaside now for a day or two.

Philipa said...


I will be sweeping out the old and hopefully turning a new page and moving on to better things. There's one thing I wish I wasn't forced to leave behind but it wasn't my choice. However alcohol might be something else I'll have to leave behind! It's beyond my purse so I am making merry while I may..


Happy New Year!

Scrobs... said...

And Happy New Year to you pips!

Sorry I seem to have missed some of your recent posts; bit of a prob here for a few days so am not toad-lee in position to respond as usual m'dear!

Takus carus eh?


Philipa said...

Take more care when I'm typing, Scrobs - my link was a bit tipsy too!


Thud said...

Happy new year on my good man.