Thursday, 10 November 2011

Travel Tips No 5. 'Buchan's Hole', a village to linger in, then move on...

Buchan's Hole is possibly the location where the famous 'Thirty-nine Steps' story, was conceived. But there the similarity ends, as there are no steps to speak of, only steep slopes, and the title 'The Thirty-nine Slopes' just doesn't have the same ring to it does it!

BH (as it is called by a small local person), is right on the Kent coast, some say it should actually be just a hundred yards off the coast, and that would solve the problem, but that would be unfair to the population of eighty-seven, and the various out-buildings.

The estate of the Mannerings family, a well known gusset-mangler who moved to the place after the unpleasantness in Droitwich, overlooks the bay from a hill to the south. There, the brooding shadow cast by the various buildings, reminds the residents below of the main reason for the wealth, and the poverty, of the place. The BH local people manage to eke out a living by delivering pizzas, washing cars, and selling a few paltry herbs and spices, and their only pleasure is a monthly game of 'Lynch-the-bankers', which well may become an Olympic sport in years to come. (The Italians will well remember this and undoubtedly become proficient and excellent at the pastime. They will come second to England).

Theophilus Bartholemew Mannerings allowed the railway to go through his land to the village in 1831. He was paid a pittance of several million pounds, a small sum for the inconvenience we are assured, and from then on, became a benefactor to many ladies on the area, giving freely, and expecting very little in return, other than a signed affidavit denying that anything untoward ever happened.

The yelps and shrieks which come from the former artificial insemination building, now refurbished as a 'Grannex', for an errant sister of one of the family, are now down to the frequent visitations of a suave gentleman in a tweed cap, and string-backed gloves, which are used to steer his vintage Jaguar through the country lanes leading to the estate, and not the commercial increasement of the farm animals, although the process is roughly the same.

The railway was built as a branch line, but was perceived as more of a bough line, possibly only a twig line, but indeed became so insignificant, that this leaf-vein line was never even noticed by Dr Beeching as it was so faint on his map, and thus survived the cull.

The town planners, were bent on getting the railway to the place, and did absolutely nothing to assist the thriving town centre in the process. They were bent over desks, even just bent, but the new track was laid before you could bat an eyelid, and even the local building supplier, Enoch Sagtrouser, (grandfather of the current incumbent, Elias), began to rub his hands, and also his other various extremities, at the thought of all that income from such a big building job.

The utter disgrace associated with the decision by the elders of BH are graphically demonstrated here!

14 comments:

lilith said...

Well, that just goes to show how important Planners actually are Scrobs. No, honest, they really are....;-0

Electro-Kevin said...

This reads like something Mutley would have written.

'The insemination shed'

'Gusset mangler'

Electro-Kevin said...

WV: Somme

How very apt for today.

Electro-Kevin said...

Jeez. That video is incredible.

The driver could have got himself in a right pickle !

WV: featio

Almost there

Scrobs... said...

Eh Lils?

Oh yes, they're important all right, they always tell everyone they're important!

Some of them now charge for anyone wanting to see if they'll support a planning permission, which is downright robbery!

Have you got your allotment yet? There's one going near here if you want one...;0)

Scrobs... said...

Actually Elecs, it's a throwback to when Lils was Bunty, Beast had a caravan and Modo just made it all so confusing, I never really stopped laughing...

Mutley would have liked it though; wonder how he blogs from up there...?

Scrobs... said...

Needs a train man to understand all this Elecs!

Somme - too true. Mrs S was up the village today, and happened to be in on the ceremony there. It was very well done too. Lots of schoolchildren which is the right way.

lilith said...

Sorry Scrobs, not really trying to put your blood pressure up! In Bath there are three planning officers and one is always off long term sick....

No allotment yet. In other news Elby has pleurisy.

Scrobs... said...

Lils, I'm sorry to hear that bit of bad news. I'm not quite sure what happens with pleurisy, but it always sounds nasty to me, perhaps because it sounds like palsy, and all those people in the bible kept getting sick of it...

The Bath planners have long fought against hotels, (and most other things as well) and then like the number eleven bus, three permissions come along at once! It really is a top city to be in, and any brand would give it's eye teeth for a new building there!

lilith said...

did you get a permission Scrobs? I know the local B & B crowd were up in arms at the sudden doubling of available rooms...especially when they cant get permission to extend into the house next door.

Scrobs... said...

Actually, I know the people who did the original report Lils - she's a great chum.

We had an investor pal call us to ask if we'd be interested, and of course we had to say 'yesh', as there really is so little opportunity to do anything these days, as the banks are absolutely dire in their offers. They're utterly useless, and might just as well never show their faces at any real business gathering.

So if we do, there's a huge lunch on offer to you and Elbers, but don't hold your breath, as it'll take couple of years to get to the starting blocks, probably more, even if we do get a look in and can fight off the other hundred or so suitors...

lilith said...

These things don't half take time eh Scrobs. A friend of mine has just got a hydro station up and running and producing tax payer subsidies but it has taken 5 years!
Still, nice to know he is making money when it rains.

However, you must let me get you lunch if you are in Bath any time!

Scrobs... said...

Lils, you're on!

I'm rwally not getting exited about the scheme we've been offered, as it really will be a nighmare to do, and at our age, we don't need nightmares...

But I'll definitely be in touch the day we're down there (if...) and you can leave the car at home, bring Elbers, (or Elbers can bring you, as he'll be better then), and a damn good time will be had by all!

It realli is an added incentive isn't it!

God, we need a damn good pissup don't we all!

lilith said...

Too right Scrobs! I will look forward to it very much. I almost never get to London these days...