Saturday, 9 October 2010

Interjacent essay...


The intention was to write 'Sergeant Wilson's motorbike' (previous post), in two, or even more episodes, and run them consecutively. They would then culminate in the funniest, most ingenious ending you could ever read, which of course is a result that Scrobs always strives to do for his four readers!

Well, it hasn't been finished yet, because at the moment, Scrobs is bogged down with a few other things which seem to be taking up far too much time...

1) Ebay are offering a free weekend, and Mrs S has instructed me to get rid of (quite rightly as it happens) all my old Private Eye collection, because they smell, and also seem to be selling at around a quid each, and it takes ages getting the sale docs together...

2) I still have to work a full day, and some, to keep Scrobs Inc. striving for a payout in the middle future; we can't stop now, and we have got to recoup all the money squandered away by the ruinous nulabyrinthine 'Three Bs', (Blair, Brown and Balls)...

3) I still haven't cut the hedge...

4) We need to take out all the runner beans, tomatoes, cucumbers and courgettes, because they're almost finished...

5) I'm on tenterhooks, because (chuckles to self), I've just emailed a synopsis to Penguin Books, and, like about ten thousand other people who've written the one novel they all have in them, I'm expecting an email saying I'm going to have my name in lights and would I like as much money as J.K.Rowling...

6) There's a load of gardening to do at Mother-in-law's place...

7) We've just taken on an allotment and it already has a fine crop of three foot high couch grass, which seems to be getting sustenenance from the compost heaps of outer Sydney...

8) I've also got to write a post about Australia again, as there's been a fantastic development...

9) There's another post in the folder about 'Leicester story', which also threw up (not literally you understand), an interesting result...

10) I've almost finished automating my electric reciprocating saw, which is attached to a 'Workmate', (not Mrs S you understand) and is capable of cutting logs up to 5" thick...

11) We are spending ages picking the mushrooms at the Pinetum, because they are rife at the moment, and Mrs S has sprung a leak on her wellies which now need a patch...

So...

I'll be working on 'Sergeant Wilson's motorbike' during the early hours of each morning to ensure that the four readers can spend many hours in good humour, when it's eventually finished!

I just wanted to let you know this...

23 comments:

Thud said...

I thought I was having a busy weekend but I reckon you put me to shame,I'll try harder.

HenryJ said...

That little girl on that test card must be nearly as old as your goodself,if she was 6 when colour started in Britain she would be about 50 now,but I suppose you go back to the gas fired 405 line black and white Bush tv,with the dc to ac valve converter,

Scrobs... said...

I'm nowhere finished Thudders; I've also got to get the mower set up again...

Scrobs... said...

You're spot on about the 405 TV Henry!

And now, you've reminded me of a post I was going to do, and forgot immediately...

And yes, my bus pass is becoming well worn as well!

rvi said...

"Interjacent" - I love it!

What's its opposite? Outerjacent? Extrajacent? Or maybe the French hors de jacent? You can ponder this when next you repaint the gate posts.

Scrobs... said...

There's a very simple explanation Reevers!

I wanted to find an alternative word to 'Intermission', as Lils had done one with that title, and I didn't want to steal her thunder!

So it was a word just plucked out of the Dictionary at random!

I'd never heard of it either!

Philipa said...

Dearest Scrobs I'm reading but communicationally challenged. Kisses though xx

Blue Eyes said...

I reckon the way to make money with a book these days is to release alternate chapters for free online.

Scrobs... said...

Pips, as long as there's a snippet to brighten your day here, then don't worry about replying!

Scrobs... said...

Now that's a damn good idea Blues!

Have you tried doing that?

killemallletgodsortemout said...

Take your time, Scrobbers.

I thought about your story when I slung an old GPO corker helmet in the resident skip today, on/at Lady Killem's insistence.

I might just have to go & retrieve it - it doesn't take up THAT much space, anyway.

Scrobs... said...

You must Killers!

I gave my old skid lid to the Rye Harbour Plywood Water Disk Maniacs (or similar), when they used to skim the gravel pits at 30 mph, and nearly decapitate everyone...

I always wanted to 'do up' an old motorbike, and am now afraid that I'll probably never do that which is a shame.

lilith said...

Oh Scrobs you are so busy! But it is all exciting stuff (except the hole in Mrs S's wellies...I hope she has neoprene lined Aigle's on her Christmas list!)

Mermaid of Moorgate said...

sounds like you have your hands full. I suggest digging up your courgettes, burying the mother-in-law in the patch, thereby saving you any further duties in that area, selling her house after the inquest to self-fund your book and then take that motorbike adventure with the proceeds!

done and dun!

Scrobs... said...

Actually Lils, they're thise nakle boots which tie up and have a sole a bit like an Elvis Presley brothel creeper...

She used to have 'Neoprene Aigles', but the treatment was so good, that the Doctor signed her off fairly recently...

Of course, I can never forget that the first post I ever saw on your Blog, was one showing your coloured wellies, and that iconic picture is forever fixed on the squiggly glutinous grey matter which I seem to have for a brain these days!

Scrobs... said...

Mermules! I knew I'd get a commercial response at some stage!

Now that is a really good idea, but can I use the cash from the Private Eyes to enjoy a trip to London to meet my new publisher I ask? I don't really know what to wear for the first book signing either; perhaps a hairy tweed jacket and a foppish Paisley handerchief in the top pocket maybe...

...perhaps a winning, knowing wink at all the people queueing in Waterstones by Charing Cross, after which I could wander off to Balls Bros in Ryder Street, or Shampers in Kingly street, with a few admirers in tow, and order several bottles of their best Gamay...

...wakes up, sees socks on radiator, hurts hand scraping them off...

Electro-Kevin said...

I used to like the girl on the test card when I was a little boy aged 4. In the afternoon, when there was no TV on and the test card was showing I'd talk to her.

Scrobs... said...

I reckon you're the prototype for 'Life on Mars' Elecs! He was always seeing that card (er - wasn't he...?)

The music was excruciating then though...

Philipa said...

You do indeed seem very busy, Scrobs, but if you have a mo I've made a new blog post from the plasticine of my fancy over at mine.

Looking forward to part two of the motorbike thing :-)

Scrobs... said...

Pip, I've so far only done numbers 4, 6 and 10, and its already Thursday...

merry weather said...

I like your style Mr Scrobs - great reading.

What a list!

I would offer help with the garden but I'm sadly hemmed in here by tons of manure. I don't know why I got so much to fork into the beds but it seemed a jolly good plan when I was at the list stage...

Scrobs... said...

Merry-ers! What a welcome to see you here! I was hoping that a sequel to the Mutley Saga would emerge, and here you are - please forgive me if you've been doing this for longer!

Now, is it Bridport really, or perhaps not a million miles from - er - Cheriton, or Hythe...?

Know them all very well, and as you can see, we're from a 'Hurst, so check the map and you have about a dozen or so - probably more!

As for the manure, well, I'd keep it dry and plant courgettes on it next year, but then, we've just started another allotment, because the blasted yew tree in the churchyard smothers everything at the Turrets after 2.30pm!

merry weather said...

Turrets, you have turrets! Ah you Kent folk are truly fortunate :)

Thanks Mr Scrobs. Sandgate in fact, the home of SAGA the company (oddly enough).

I live on the edge of South London though - a mere hour on the M20 - surrounded by trees and fields mainly. And squirrels - damn them and their digging!