Thursday, 6 August 2009

Scrobs to charge for views...

The Grauniad has just reported that Murdoch's papers will soon charge for viewing on line.

So this means that I'll have to pay to read 'The Sun' and 'The News Of the World', from now on, as well as 'The Times' of course. (I willingly pay to read The Wall Street Journal already, because I can easily do the 'Terminally wretched' Sudoku in about 8 minutes...)

Well, Rupert, (may I call you 'Roo'?) I agree whole-heartedly that we are getting far too much for nothing these days, and a nominal charge per click - say five pence, will ensure that everybody can read the news displayed by your excellent organs knowing full well that the money will go to a good cause, and we don't ever have to worry again about stories reaching the public, because, like the BBC, our payments will cover every eventuality, free from political interference!

In fact, this will mean the end of all blogs as we know them, because everyone will rush to spend as much money as possible on Murdoch sites to pay for such information! There may well be another run on the banks for cash to throw at these papers. Almost certainly, Gordon Bruin will tax everyone for some unknown reason!

And so, the Board of Scroblene Enterprises has recommended that we charge per view of this blog, with immediate effect. The move has already been voted on, and JRT has indicated her agreement by biting the hand that feeds it...

Tariff: -

One page view - £1 per session
Two page views - £5 per session
One comment - £20 per line
Two comments - £50 per word
Three comments - £100 per syllable
Anon comments - £500 per letter
Bad spelling, sloppy wording - £1000 per event
Rudeness - £10,000 per insult
Foul language - £100,000 per expletive
Dirtiness/nastiness - £500,000 per bit of filth

and...

Boring stories about politicians shagging, celebs bonking, footballers punching waifs, town halls skiving, politicians punching waifs, celebs bonking footballers, town halls shagging footballers, shaggers waifing politicians, waifs bonking town hall footballers with politicians and celebs at both ends...five times a night

well...

you tell me...

39 comments:

The Lakelander said...

Can you really imagine that many people will pay to read News International papers (online editions?)

I can't see it happening.

That little-known cottage industry, Google Inc, has managed to earn a crust by offering advertising space on content that people are most likely to read.

Perhaps News International could learn a trick from this?

Rupert Murdoch doesn't really get Web 2.0, does he?

Scrobs... said...

I agree with you Lakes! More and more people will read blogs like Guido, Raedwald and Dale, purely to get a proper view on what's really happening.

I don't give a monkey's about celeb rubbish anyway, so I might as well join in with everyone who thinks politicians etc need a good thrashing - all the time, and we can do that with our own blog habits!

Of course, I'd miss reading your comments and posts if you charged as well...;0)

Scrobs... said...

And Lakes, I've just granted you a free pass for life...

Just key in your bank details, passwords, address, inside leg measurement etc. etc., and I'll do the rest...;0)

The Lakelander said...

Scrobs,

Nobody would ever pay good money to read my drivel!

I would give you all my personal details, including my bank account number, pin number etc, but a nice chap from Nigeria sent me an e-mail last week along the same lines and I've had a bit a problem with my bank ever since....

Trubes said...

What a marvellous idea Scrobs, with so many dedicated followers you'll make an absolute fortune.
I nominate Lakes to be your graphic designer and I will happily be your financial director, for a small fee, (ahem) of course!

Di.x

Anonymous said...

Like lots of things have a price,pitch it to the right idiot ahem person and you could sell them anything.

PS I have a bridge up for sale in a few years (Runcorn Bridge) if your interested,must be removed on payment,cash only.

an extremely anxious rvi said...

Before I rush off to see if I can remember where I left my 15 credit cards, might I enquire whether you and your fellow Board Members could see your way clear, Guv, to allowing a modest discount for balding, mentally and vertically challenged - but eminently literate - idiots? Furthermore do you still take Marks, Lira and Pesos?

Thud said...

Poor old Murdoch...age gets him at last.

lilith said...

Scrobs, I would gladly sell my house and all its contents for a brief glimpse of your blog.

Trubes said...

Anon. 14.55.


Poor command of the English Language Dearie.

It's 'you're' or you are, not 'your', as so ineloquently put, on your silly little comment.

Obviously, another Leftie, uneducated slug .
Twelve glorious years of 'Education...education... education.
If that's the best you can do, I strongly advise you to quit now, whilst you still may have the opportunity of finding a job stacking shelves in your local Supermarket when Nulab disappears into obscurity!

idle said...

I am sorry to announce that I will continue to post comments on this blog only on receipt of hard cash in an envelope each quarter-day.

rvi said...

Well folks, looks like the golden goose just committed chop suey.

Scrobs... said...

Lakes, funny that, I had a similar email, and also a follow-up letter!

As I couldn't read the writing though, I sent the details anyway, as he seemed quite a nice chap, and promised me an Amstrad Email telephone if I replied...

Scrobs... said...

Trubes, I'm delighted that you've decided to become FD!

First of all, please raise a loan from The Bank of Nigeria (see comment above), for - say £5,000,000, with refs from Grodon Bruin Esq.

Then we'll meet up with Lakes, and have a damn good lunch to decide what we do next...

Scrobs... said...

Ano 2.55 - Can I sell it to someone in the US by any chance?

Not that I want to join Moxie and Co putting it up again...

You're right about the price though. Our first PC was an Amstrad 464, and I think it cost £299. For a colour screen Boots (yes, Boots - Brighton), wanted another £100!

We got the green one, and spent the rest on drinks I think...

Scrobs... said...

In Extreme Reevers...

Lakes and Trubes are working on a package of loans from a friend Lakes has in Nigeria.

We're raising £5,000,000 gold Naira Splonders, and you can join us today if you send me your bank details, passwords, address, inside leg measurement etc. etc., and I'll do the rest...;0)

Scrobs... said...

Thudders, I don't think he knows when to stop...

I can always get what news I want from The Metro if I want, and of course' it's free.

The crappier evening ones aren't any good, (too much celebs bonking footballers...not enough talent) although City A.M is worth a peek with the first large Capocabanacchio...

Scrobs... said...

Lils, that sounds a fair deal!

Very fair!

Will you - ahem - be actually inside the, er, house, when I er, eventually, er, call round...

Er, which er, room...

Scrobs... said...

Iders, the account for such payments is already being set up with Mr Mbuggerit dealing with the names of all the Newco Directors!

He has me down as Senator Cropcircle Regimentaltie O'Blene, and I'm pretty damn sure that Trubes and Lakes will have a serious name each as well.

What he doesn't know is that there is a hyphen between Regimental and Tie, so all cheques will be invalid anyway!!!

They must think I got off the boat only yesterday...



Of course, we can set up a standing order for you at a discount, unless you want to come on board

Scrobs... said...

Reevers - back already...did you find them?

Lils has promised me a bowl of Pounded yam with egusi stew when we meet to complete the sale of her house!

At least, that's what I thought she said...

Blue Eyes said...

Mmm I would pay a pint to meet the real Scrobs!

Blue Eyes said...

And back on topic, if Metro can make money why can't Times Online? Metro even has to print up actual copies and distribute them! People will simply get their headlines from Metro, Google, Yahoo News, etc. and their comment from the blogs.

Bring it on, I say.

rvi said...

Scrobs: a slow day yesterday, so I dropped by again to see how much you had managed to raise; and yes I found the credit card down the back of the sofa along with 5 missing remotes and dead pizza.

Being a financial whizz, I can spot a good thing from 500 miles away, so I have accordingly instructed my accountant in Harare, Mr Blessme Amarubbadinghi, to transfer the sum of Zim$ 53,296,483,512.18 (that was about 16/2d last time I checked) as a first year's subscription. The cash should be in your account at the Sevenoaks branch of the Rogues Bank of Scrobsland by next Tuesday afternoon. I look forward to receiving my all purpose password soonest.

Scrobs... said...

Reevers, Mr. Mbuggerit will be informed of your generous note as soon as I can get this bloody carrier pidgeon out of its box and wound up...

That's a good exchange rate btw, Iders would be proud of you!

Anonymous said...

06 August 2009 18:10

Ouch!,who rang your door bell and ran away Trubes,good job I didn't say anything about the Pierhead and the sunken ferry pier, which by the way the ferry pier is now a Dutch floating barge with 4 legs and ugly.

lilith said...

I will be in the kitchen, Scrobs x

rvi said...

Scrobes: If you were to reply something to the effect that "that's a woman's place" to Lil, you might expect a faceful of failed quiche as you ring the doorbell. You have been warned!


wv: suchabum (honest!). Where'd they get my ppt photo from, that's what I want to know?

Scrobs... said...

Yer actually right Reevers...

Lils has been ministering to Elbers - we all noted the fish and chips she dutifully went out for last week, and Idle commented on the Delia combination - a fact that I'd never even considered!

I still feel sick through wading through a hundredweight of runner beans at lunch time today - we have to use the damn things up somehow...

WV - gaseous...

Scrobs... said...

Lils, I'm sure Reevers is on your side...

If not then I'm not sure where he is...

Scrobs... said...

Anon 2.55 and Trubes - Oi! - kiss and make up please...

Otherwise I'll go to the foot of our stairs, for what reason I'll only understand when I get there...

rvi said...

Scrobs: (sorry, I inadvertently gave you an extra "e" last time)
Re: runner beans. If you have several hundredweight to get through, may I suggest blanching and then freezing them into meal sized packets for use as needed. Thus you may enjoy your own fresh runner beans throughout the winter. Mr Ishmael had an article a few days ago on bottling rhubarb for the same purpose, and I froze half a freezerful of fresh raspberries (have to be done on an individual basis spread out on a flat tray until they freeze otherwise all you get is mush, but you probably knew that already) not so long ago when I had an abundant crop. They went very well with the Xmas pud!

Scrobs... said...

Reevers, yes thanks; they do freeze, but somehow we've turned to ideas that beans only really taste the best when their in season - seems short sighted I know, but it is nice to knock on friends' doors and throw stuff at them when they answer - like courgettes, beans, (not tomatoes - now they do liquidise whole and are marvellous...).

Mrs S has specialised in Jalopeno peppers this year, and also Scotch Bonnet etc. Tuscan Tony's oil bottle now has her latest concoction, and the fire started just yesterday evening...

Philipa said...

"discount for balding, mentally and vertically challenged - but eminently literate - idiots?"

Well I stopped discussing PH and stopped being so hurt and I'm not going to start again now - you have whomever you want to subscribe to your excellent blog, Scrobs and I will not comment.

As my income has gone down, my expenses gone up and my worries with it I apply for the barter system for mine own subscription. You must have a chimney that needs cleaning. One child or two, Scrobs?

I will comment on the runners tho, thanks for the tip, rvi. We'll go a hunting for a PYO this week sometime. I offered them pork chops yesterday, which ended up in the bin (they've decided they don't like pork any more, and beef, and lamb.. )

Scrobs... said...

Pips, I hope you'll keep coming along here, because, the plain fact is that there's only a few of us, and we need more legs...

BTW, you can get a great bean stripper from most hardware shops, but don't buy beans so big that you have to push them through with your thumb. If you do, it really really hurts! It does - believe me!

This has been a boring public service announcement by the BBC...

Scrobs... said...

Pips, your 100% discount is in the post...

I'm sorry to say that as I didn't know anything about PH, I missed all that!

Chimneys done two weeks ago by Kevin for £25...sorry about that too!

...whistles; and wonders what to say next...

Philipa said...

Thanks, Scrobs. You could say that summer is hot outside and the wasps are abroad. Apples are ripening in the fields, pregnant with juice and rosy succulence. Carpets of wheat are being harvested, straining at their roots in their last dance in the breeze. And the chimneys are swept in readiness. Come the winter winds red faces will split into warm smiles in front of the fire as cherry lips suck on mulled wine and good cheer.

Almost time for peoples xmas lights to go up! We had them in spetember last year round here.

Philipa said...

Your post has me thinking, Scrobs. I can't put the thought down - what blogs/websites would I pay to see?

Well, yours, Idle, Lils, EK, Blue. But none of the MSM. I would wait for content to be copied and commented on. I don't think MSM get blogging or social media.

Scrobs... said...

"I don't think MSM get blogging or social media".

Not enough dosh in it Pips!

Have to confess that I'd pay nothing for anyone's blog. That's not the same as saying I didn't like reading them.

Philipa said...

But you do, Scrobs - think about it; I thought about what I do most of the time on the net and it's bimbling by blogs. I DO pay for broadband so I DO pay to read your blog. That's my thinking.