Tuesday, 24 June 2008

1 in 5; Borough chaos...




http://tiny.cc/P8geJ

My ludicrous local council, Tunbridge Wells has recently been in the headlines for the above policy. I personally wouldn’t have thought that there was a collection of brain cells on anybody in the council that was even capable of spelling ‘brainstorm’ let alone getting involved in anything which smacks of innovation. After all, these are the people to whom I am paying about five quid a week for their pensions and benefits, not mine! (£1 in £5 that is…)!

As ‘Brainstorming’ is now deemed to be discriminatory against epileptics, they have decided to employ the term ‘thought shower’.

Great.

‘Absolute shower’ is a good description of course, (especially if spoken by the chap in Idle’s avatar – maybe Idle even, but I’ve yet the pleasure of meeting him), but they are forgetting that the actual name of the town, Tunbridge ‘Wells’, discriminates against ‘Ills’, i.e. people who are not well. This cannot be surely? And ‘Ills discriminate against ‘Dales’, and Iain Dale lives in Tunbridge Wells, and he mustn’t be discriminated against either!

So, we’d better drop the second part of the town and just stick with Tunbridge. But this discriminates against the good people of Tonbridge, which is just up the road and sounds very similar, and, the good people of Southborough (who live in between), usually want to be associated with the southern end of their location, not the northern end.

So we’d better just chop off the first three letters then, and just call it ‘Bridge’! Bugger, just remembered – there’s a village near Canterbury named ‘Bridge’, and they won’t be pleased about being passed off either…

So we really can’t have a name at all! We’ll be known as ’ (blank)………. Borough’, and this is good news, as the next poll tax cheque I write will leave the top line empty, and some other sod lounging about in the basement at the town hall or standing in the shower somewhere near the bicycle racks can sort it all out.

15 comments:

grumpy granny said...

How about changing the name to Peabrain-Storming? That sounds suitably rural and idyllic.

idle said...

Yes I do use the expression, scrobs.

But pronounced: "absolute shaaaar"

electro-kevin said...

Every council is ludicrous now.

They need fire bombing.

Lilith said...

I am planning to whithold my last two council tax payments to protest against paying pensions for the council when I cannot afford to have my own. If these guys want a nice salary with a perky pension (because they are worth it?) they will have no trouble getting another job that gives them the pension they believe they deserve.

Scroblene said...

Grumpers - That sounds much more like it!

Their interminable meetings to discuss ways of doing things are a bane to our society.

If their meetings were held with (in no particular order): -

1) Thugs who threaten local vulnerables
2) Police, to weed out undesirables
3) Everyone who wants to see a cleaner borough

and my personal favourite...

4) all people like me who desparately want to develop a business and social opportunity for everyone's benefit - including the borough's, but is stonewalled at every turn...

...then I wouldn't mind so much.

But it ain't going to happen.

Scroblene said...

Idle - I bow to your superior knowledge - as usual!

Scroblene said...

Elecs - you may have it worse down your way, but at least you get visitors who value your countryside there; round here they don't - ask Ranter!

Scroblene said...

Lils - you really are hell-bent on doing it right in your family aren't you (*puffs chest in pride as if he knows them*)...!

Perhaps everyone should pay the bills, but in the last two months, put one penny on the cheque on the penultimate payment and take it back on the final one.

Their accounts dept would all cry and want counselling and would all be off with 'stress' for ages - possibly the rest of the year! Maybe for ever...

When I eventually get my meagre pension, I'll still have to pay £1 in £5 for the sort of person to do what Ranter described as 'just continue breathing for a week', which is the best description I've ever heard.

Answer is - never retire, just live until you're 103 - which I'm going to do.

Blue Eyes said...

The council should change its name to Macedonia...

There is no accountability in local government because all the policies are set by Westminster. So it doesn't matter who you voted for, New Labour always get in!

The Lakelander said...

If my local council is anything to go by, most of the "ills" work for them.

Or not, as the case may be.

On any day, 1 in 8 of the employed workforce are off sick.

Is it any wonder that Council tax has doubled under Labour?

hatfield girl said...

Sometimes I wonder if we might refuse point blank to pay all these local and central government pensioners. There could be a cut off date. Any non private sector employee who was taken on after May 1997 is expropriated. After all lots of private pension provision was expropriated in 1997 so nothing can be claimed to be sacrosanct. Those who abolish the rules must learn to live without them.

Scroblene said...

Bluesers, They'll follow the rules - if they can read that is...

Scroblene said...

Lakers; what I cannot understand is how so many of them are ill through 'stress'.

The only 'stress' they're under is ensuring they take the statutory days off, and put their pencils down at exactly 5.00pm.

The last thing I want is anyone at my council trying to behave like the idiots in 'The office'. The reason why they're not in that environment is because they'd never cut the mustard.

Scroblene said...

Hats; as always, a good point you have - I've been thinking the same myself.

Would there be an opportunity for an institution to take over all these bloated pensions (including those of people who deserve them, like the forces), and marginalise the unworthy ones to a scale?

Howls of pain would emanate from every state-funded water cooler in the country, and doubtless, there would be a 200% increase is 'stress' days off.

electro-kevin said...

I may have to post photos of the litter round here, Scrobs.