Tuesday, 25 July 2023

HP Sauce, the French connection...

 


No, not the Private Eye column, but still hilarious!

I can still remember my dad laughing hysterically at this fabulous clip from the sixties! Marty Feldman was one of the funniest performers and writers of his time! Once, when Harold Wilson asked him if he was a member of the Labour Party, he replied, " Blimey no, I'm a socialist"!

Back then we didn't have to endure the dull cranks and 'activists' we now have posing as 'comedians', he was way above all that, and was always very, very funny!

Wednesday, 19 July 2023

All them trombones and nobody marches in step...


Scrobs leads the way to celebrate another milestone (or millstone)...

 

Wednesday, 12 July 2023

'That' photograph - a squall in a D-cup...


There was uproar at the Sodden Prickney Parish Council meeting held yesterday, when Cllr Basil Kalashnikov was asked to come clean on who, within the comittee, had phoned up his step-nephew and asked for a picture of his new electric scooter!

The story had unfolded over a month earlier, when Edwina Baggage, who is the Bicycling Correspondent for the 'Sodden Prickney Bugle', (a local newspaper - Ed.), was interested in buying the machine for the son of one of her many friends as a kind of gift for being a 'real sport' at all sorts of things...

To make matters worse, (or more interesting - Ed.), Cllr Cynthia Molestrangler had been photographed visiting the premises of Countess Erasmerama Loingirder, a corsetiere of some Ugandan repute, and who has regular consultations with clients of both - er - sexes, and was wondering why Miss Molestrangler wanted such a large size as, while she isn't as wasted as she used to be, one couldn't class her as corpulent, so the big question was, who was it for...?

The photographs were undoubtedly genuine, as they had a date stamp showing the said councillor stubbing out a Capstan Full Strength on the wall before entering the blacked out shop door at 3.00pm! What was even more damning, was that our intrepid photographer managed to beetle around to the back of the shop, and there, leaning aginst the wall was the electric scooter, with a label saying £35.00 attached to the handlebars!

So after all the tiresome discussions which took up most of the meeting, Cllr Kalashnikov called for a mercy break, and went out for a smoke in the porch, only to see a certain young lad, careering down the street on the very scooter being discussed within! What was also concerning, was that the lad was none other than the wayward son of Dr Norbert Iodine, who practices medicine in the village between 3.00pm and 4.00pm on alternate Fridays! The Doctor wasn't at the meeting, as he had a golf match which he needed to attend as the club's Chief Medical Officer, so the lad had clearly obtained the scooter from an 'admirer' on the comittee, and the revelations were going to start right now...

The meeting broke up in normal disarray, with every councillor looking at each other warily, wondering if it was him or her who was the culprit! Cllr Baggage was being looked at more than the others, but as she normally gets far more attention than others, (and half the male staff at The Bugle - Ed.), despite being ashen-faced, she just shrugged her shoulders and told everybody to bugger off as is wasn't her!

The real trouble is, nobody has the faintest clue what's going on about all this, and why anyone is really bothered at all, except perhaps Mrs Baggage, who may just get a bonus, or something similar!


Betting odds on who it is: -

Cllr Basil Kalshnikov 8/1

Cllr Amelia Newt 8/1

Cllr Cynthia Molestrangler 8/1

Cllr Norman Wibble 8/1

Cllr Dr Norbert Iodine 8/1

PC Lumbersnatch 8/1

Cllr Edwina Baggage 8/1

Cllr Ron Groat 8/1


(Hardly a Ladbrokes layout is it Scrobs - Ed.)






Friday, 7 July 2023

Requiem for a song...

Some years ago, Stephen Pile published this hilarious book, 

                                             Book of Heroic Failures By Stephen Pile


There are lots of instances like 'The Worst Mishap in Stage Production', or 'The Least Successful Detective', but one item jumped out of the page, and here it is, mined from YouTube...

I give you, 'The Legendary Stardust Cowboy' 'singing' 'Paralyzed'...




It seems that you can only watch it on YouTube direct, so if you want a real treat, or have a few minutes of your life damaged beyond repair, then click on the link...









Friday, 30 June 2023

Funky moped...

When Scrobs turned sixteen, his first thoughts were about ditching the Triumph Palm Beach bike and getting engin-ised! His dear sister already used a Lambretta for college, and therefore the only affordable transport available was a moped!


There was one like this available at Styles' Garage in Battle, and it cost £19-0-0, so I bought it - or rather my dad did! The first ride was ecstatic and I must have reached at least 25mph at one stage! I think the insurance was £2 a year, and I grew to love the old thing, even though most of my friends had real motorbikes like a Francis Barnett or a James...

I read recently that mopeds are staging a sort of comeback as nostalgia reaches the minds of many of my generation, and I'd rather like to consider buying one and 'doing it up'...

I say consider, as it won't happen, and I still get the buzz of powered bicycling on my electric bike, which goes nearly as fast as the old Mobylette!


Sunday, 25 June 2023

Conundrum...



Scrobs has been thinking quite a lot about a combination of emotions, feelings etc., of late, and while there's nothing concerning or worrying about the collection of thoughts, it's an intriguing conundrum to write down the facts and try to figure out what the outcome will be!

First, the tragedy of the Oceangate loss was always going to be something to take up a lot of time to understand and accept, but I'm reading a great book by Nevil Shute, (see Scrobs passim), called 'An old captivity', which is all about a flying boat's mission to the unknown in Greenland, and the similarities are extant, such that I know that something's going to happen, but I haven't got there yet! The story is rivetting and I look forward to a proper time to read it and not just dip in for just a few lines here and there!

Why the eternal fight by Peter Boggis who is trying to protect his house in Lowestoft from falling into the sea figures in all this, I don't know, but watching 'Coast' last evening, the subject seemed to reverberate within the context of the book as well!

The current earworm is the latest music by Peter Gabriel, with lyrics which an artist could paint within these parameters, and that adds to the confusion too! 

'I walk with my dog and I whistle with the bird; Stuff coming out and stuff going in', all slots in as well so what's next...?


Thursday, 22 June 2023

For those you'll never meet, but want to chat with anyway...


Just the other day, Scrobs was peering at his PC screen, blinking at the various messages one gets from the bank, (sod'em), Ebay etc., and a message came up 'just asking how everything was going at The Turrets'! It came from a chum with whom I've had numerous chats, but have never met, and sadly never will - probably...

Well, it's not all bad really, and the heat is hurting Senora O'Blene more than somewhat, but the upside is that for the first time, I let our hound, Lily off the lead for the first time since we got her!

This morning, as we started off on her early walk, I met two lovely ladies who live just down the road, and they were on a trek around the fields and orchards we are lucky to still have, and I was invited along!

Scrobs never says no to that sort of invitation, and so we ended up in some fields about half an hour away, and just while I was thinking about perhaps trusting her not to run away, the girls suggested that I let her off the lead!

So I did, and she had a whale of a time, darting here and there, playing with the other two dogs all the way, and getting exhausted in the process - as did I!

It's odd really, always thinking she might have just toddled off, but she stayed close, had some great games, and was great company for all of us!

So Linda, it was so nice of you to write and ask how we are; it's prompted me to get up and go forward just a little more now, and we'll certainly chat again soon!