The ability to speak several languages is an asset, but the ability to keep your mouth shut in any language is priceless.
Happiness is not having to set the alarm clock.
When I get a headache I take two aspirin and keep away from children just like the bottle says.
Just once, I want the prompt for username and password to say, “Close enough.”
If you see me talking to myself, just move along. I’m self-employed. We’re having a meeting.
“Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40-minute flute solo".
Does anyone else have a plastic bag full of plastic bags, or is it just me?
Today’s 3-year-olds can switch on laptops and open their favourite apps. When I was 3, I ate mud.
So, you drive across town to a gym to walk on a treadmill?
Old age is coming at a really bad time.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, He would've put them on my knees.
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.
"On time" is, when you get there.
It would be wonderful if we could put ourselves in the dryer for ten minutes, then come out wrinkle-free...and three sizes smaller.
Lately, you've noticed people your age are so much older than you.
(Apologies for the formatting - I blame everyone else... )
"Today’s 3-year-olds can switch on laptops and open their favourite apps. When I was 3, I ate mud."
ReplyDeleteI believe coal was a popular alternative.
Absolutely delicious coal is!
ReplyDeleteI was always rather partial to a pencil end...
"“Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40-minute flute solo"."
ReplyDeleteMy version is "40 minute post-1997, autotuned cacophony".
I like that James!
ReplyDeleteA few years ago, we were in a bit of trouble with the bank, and I had to ring them and sort it all out.
I was slightly miffed at their piped-autocue music which was a song by Dire Straits...
I would point you in the direction of the philosopher John Gray. He has a lot to say about technology, and even more about cats.
ReplyDeleteSorry… forgot the monica
ReplyDeleteMea culpa, I mean moniker…
DeleteI’m away to America tomorrow, and I’ve yet to decide how many pairs of trousers I’ll need for the ten days I will be there. There’s the rebel in me that keeps whispering… don’t pack any trousers, one pair is sufficient for ten days. That way you can take both your linen jacket, and your gaudy chalk stripe…
ReplyDeleteTalking of technology… my son switched the weighing scales from lbs to kilos… at first I thought my weight had halved in the fortnight since I last stood on the scales. Imagine the panic I had at the thought, I was suffering from a wasting disease… which I admit should have been lessened by the vision of my florid bulldog chops staring back at me from the bathroom mirror.
ReplyDeleteModo, my dear friend!
ReplyDeleteHave you noticed the ivy on the church wall - it may cause the structure to collapse on the cremated burials below...
Please send details of alleviance!
Do you still have that Boer in the pulpit..?
ReplyDeleteYes, but he's near retirement! As religion was thrust down my throat, and my late dear wife's in our youth, we decided that playing by the rules was good enough to last us, so we rarely - if ever - go there, except for funerals...
ReplyDelete