Sodden Prickney has never seen such mayhem in any parish election since Jarrold Wislon won something or other in the sixties, or Harry McMillion won a sort of landslide once, or even g...(get on with it - Ed), but the recent shenanigans in our village have reached new boundaries, and have shaken the area by storm in the most devastating circumstances known to man, (I said bloody-well get on with it Scrobs, this hyperbole is giving me the screaming hab-dabs)!
So, the results of the Council Erections are thus: - (please note that they're in no particular order, as my spreadsheet machine gave up the ghost after only a few minutes, and I can't work out how to list the names in ascending - or maybe descending order, so bollocks).
- Groat, Ron - 45 votes
- Trumpet, Sid - 67 votes
- Molestrangler, Cynthia - 56 votes
- Faquedefano, Charlene - 4 votes
- Baggage, Edwina - 67 votes
- D'Artagnon-Minge, Emily - 89 votes
- Newt, Amelia - 98 votes
- Grumble, Arthur - 3 votes
- Lumbersnatch, PC - 5 votes
- Iodine, Doctor Norbert - 12 votes
- Flange, Surgeon Hubert - 8 votes
- Clinchton, Willy - 0 votes
- Kalashnicov, Basil - 43 votes
- Billery, Miss - 1 vote
- Wibble, Norman - 2 votes
- Bumme-Whole, Christian - 1 vote
- ffarrquin-Larquin, Tarquin - 4 votes
So I, as Returning Occificereericer for the State of Sodden Prickney, declare that Miss Amelia Newt is promoted to Chairman of the Parish Council, and all who sail in her!
And may The Lord have mercy on your soul...
It is claimed that Willy Clinchton (0 votes) forgot to vote for himself again, but he was so taken with Amelia Newt's special Election Day outfit that his glasses steamed up and he failed to spell X correctly on his voting paper.
ReplyDeleteThat's exactly what happened, AK! He was 'elsewhere disposed', possibly in flagrante with someone not necessarily Ms Billery! You'll notice that Lt.Gen.Sandwich wasn't present of course. He has been ostracised or something medically similar, and we all wish him well while the scars heal over the affected parts!
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