With just a few days to go before Christmas, Basil Kalashnikov, the 'Lead' or some other sort of 'Chair' (or Top Twot - Ed), of Sodden Prickney Parish Council, called an emergency meeting to discuss the worrying outbreak of Honeymoon Cystitis in the village. Needles were in short supply and Dr Hubert Flange was becoming increasingly incommode about his supplies of calming balm!
Some of the culprits were still not taking precautions against the problem, by not wearing masks during the sessions of bicyclism, and in fact, Clr Cynthia Molestrangler had publicly admonished Clr Norman Wibble for his insistence that his Janet Reger mask is acceptable, even with some slightly over-stretched elastic interfering with the Sellotaped arms of his glasses, but maintaining a certain barrier between his unfortunate mouth, and the various ears of any lady he can grasp in the sherry aisles in Tesco!
PC Lumbersnatch was called to the meeting to explain to them all, in halting English, what actually went on in the car park, but with Ms Edwina Baggage having her hands full at the time, and Ron Groat still trying to recover his composure after a steamy and energetic discussion with Miss Amelia Newt in the rear seat of the Wolsey 1500, there was very little to report!
As the redoubtable policeman struggled to read his notes, Ms Emily D'Artagnan-Minge decided that enough was enough, and proceeded to venture forth to the infamous broom cupboard with Clr Kalashnikov's stepson, Kyoto, where an expected foray into the questions arising from the medical emergency was expected to at least bring some relaxing comfort to both persons, and help the committee to decide on the course of action to be taken, after they'd finished.
After several minutes, during which Clr Kalashnikov entertained the members with a whistling extravaganza of ditties from 'The Pirates of Penzance', the couple returned to give their verdict!
Nobody took much notice however; Miss Newt decided that her liaisons with Clr Ron Groat needed a refresher course, Ms Edwina Baggage began to eye PC Lumbersnatch's truncheon and with all that going on, Basil Kalashnikov reverted to his time-honoured method of closing the meeting by shouting 'Sod everybody, I'm going home to get as pissed as a fart, as it's bloody Christmas'!