And she never had a Grace...

Senora O'Blene and I were mulling over what Christmas presents we were given during our childhood the other day.

I started the 'mull' with a description of a No 4 Meccano set, which was in fact a gift from a business friend of the family, and received a few days before the big day. Senora O'Blene has heard this story around eighty-five times - every year, and always counters with her collection of toy farm animals and people like farmers, milkmaids etc.

It's a recall of much joy, when we realise that all these gifts were in fact 'educational', or perhaps interactive, whereby a child-like imagination was set free, and anything could be made from these items, like a whole village, or that strange strung-up model in Meccano, a 'Telfer Span'!

But this year, I heard something else in the discussion about the various characters on the farms my dear wife made. She admitted that 'She never had a Grace', which was a reference to Grace Archer, from that epic programme which depicted the awful fire in the stables, and the poor girl never got out!

Now there's a revelation! Of course, nobody in their right mind would have such a tragic figure in any game, and I still believe the conspiracy theory that the Beeb did that on purpose, to get the headlines away from the new ITV channel, which was starting that night!

And they didn't even play the closing music at the end either!

Christmas is cancelled...

 

It's out of the question that this year is going to be anything but a disaster!

I've only managed to get hold of ONE DRUM of these superb comestibles, and they're nearly gone now!

I really don't know what could be worse this year, a run of useless BBC repeats, some awful 'specials', a final listen to 'A fairy tale in Sodden Prickney', or a complete disassociation from one of life's delicacies!

Scrobs is totally distraught...

Definite substantialability...

Senora O'Blene made these yesterday!

If any stupid politician ever thinks that a Scotch Egg isn't substantial, then they've clearly never had a proper one, with hard-boiled eggs, proper sausage meat (not the squirty stuff in plastic tubes, but the result of unpacking a real locally-made snag), and a good deep-fry in the same oil as used the previous time!

Crisps are the main accompaniment, mayonnaise is the correct condiment, and some seasoning is allowed, but not too much!

Associated drinks are a beer first, then a few tinctures of  'ChateauBlene', which is made from an elderberry recipe given to me in 1973 by a pleasant gentleman at one of the farms where I worked, and we've made it ever since!

One assumes that the said politicians, aided and abetted by the snooty BBC elite in London, just think that the dried up walnut-lookalikes sold in supermarkets are the real thing, but there again, what can you expect when the taxpayer is there to be conned!

 

Post post...

 

The cost of stamps is going up yet again in January!

A recent report by The Post Office claims that this hike is necessary, as they have made huge losses throughout the year, and have had staff laid off, etc.!

I just don't understand this, as 2020 has been the year of isolation, unwillingness to venture out and a preference for delivered items from food to books, but somehow the Post Office has still made a big loss! Surely the other delivery companies have been lapping up the business; you can't turn a corner without seeing a Hermes or Yodel van parked in the road, and yes, the post office do have their own parcels group, so where's the problem?

I know they do a bit of local resourcing with good banking and bill-paying, but our post office closed for good, and only reappeared begrudgingly, as a sideline in a local supermarket, but why do home postal deliveries have to cost so much now?

Answers on a postage stamp please!

Total miscarriage of democracy, sanity and due diligence...

 

Cynthia Molestranger's drying units, used for voting with matching enormous Janet Regers!

With the recent election  results still in dispute, Basil Kalashnikov had decided that the votes discovered in Edwina Bagage's saddle bag must be included, whatever state they are in!

A meeting via a Zoom sort of collection of people who actually knew how to connect Windows 3.1 to the interwebster thingy, was proposed, but the entire cabinet of the Sodden Prickney Parish Council decided to say 'Bugger it, we'll all meet in the village hall like we used to, and just shout at each other from all four corners'!

 

A vote was taken, and Norman Wibble took notes, well, wrote some sort of gibberish down and kept it to himself, as he didn't have Cynthia Molestrangler breathing down his neck like he used to have, so was a free man! Cynthia has blossomed considerably, since the Kent Themerama episode, where she managed several discreet meetings in one week, to ensure that something happened, (it did, twice)! So our feisty lady (you only become feisty after eight G&Ts and a quick fumble behind the Vauxhall Vectra), decided that Amelia Newt and Ron Groat had seriously tried to undermine the election, by employing a small computing firm known locally as Mousefart Ltd. The directors of Mousefart had insisted that they had done nothing wrong, except pressed 'Esc', when they should have pressed Ctrl-Alt'! This resulted in Cynthia getting 453 votes and Basil Kalashnikov only 7!

 

So, after all the yelling and shouting, it was decided to do a recount. Edwina was summoned to the committee, and a thorough search of her saddle bag was conducted under the scrutiny of PC Lumbersnatch, who recognised several of the other items as belonging to him, and also at least eight other gentlemen from the village. Edwina immediately went into a sulk, and also the ladies WC where a quick snifter of the local gin was consumed under stressful circumstances. When she emerged, she was faced with the reddening features of Councillor Sidney Trumpet, who bore down on her from a great height (he often did that), and she became more than flustered - more like hysterical! The commotion was heard in all corners of the shouting room, and everyone converged on the small passage to the ladies WC, where Edwina and Sidney had decided to make amends, and anything else they could in the short time available...

 

Basil Kalashnikov began one of his panic episodes, and ran off shrieking obscenities to the empty room, and Norman Wibble had a sudden bowel movement, much to the distaste of the rest of the committee in such unsocially-distanced surroundings! A spare pair of pants was discovered in the dressing-up box, Norman was dispatched to the men's WC to change and the entire committee returned to their shouting corners to resume the yelling.

 

By eleven o' clock, there was still no firm result. Edwina had gone home, leaving her bicycle on its chain and padlock, and accepting a lift in Ron Groat's Wolsley 1500, and getting a quick feel at the traffic lights for the privilege. Basil Kalshnikov had returned with mud all over his trousers where he had slipped in the mud near the car park after a large rant at nobody, but had gone to sleep in the corner. Cynthia Molestrangler and PC Lumbersnatch had decided to get back to her place and watch 'Question Time' for some obscure reason, but they didn't get any answers, so finished the Jack Daniels and collapsed on the hearthrug for a heavy-breather!

 

The only remaining counter of the votes in the village hall was Amelia Newt, so she proclaimed that she was the winner, and took the oath of office in front of the large mirror, just below the painting of the royal visit of 1953!

 

Democracy had been preserved!

Tree scam...

When we first started walking JRT in the Bedgebury Pinetum, it cost a few quid a year for parking, I think it was around £30.00. There was no entry fee for seeing the trees, and taking very pleasant walks.

We became very keen on the place, and liked to watch the various developments taking shape, and even got to know several of the managers, who are an informative lot, and very knowledgeable, in fact, we would go over most days as the scenery can be stunning, especially in the autumn.

Now JRT is more circumspect about walking too far, we let our membership lapse, but looking at their website recently, an annual membership now costs £72.00, and while parking varies from £3.00 to £10.00, one wonders why all this cost is involved, when the whole lot of Forestry England is part of the Department of the Environment, and presumably paid for by citizens' taxes anyway!

It's a shame that a short visit costs so much, and while there are some facilities on site, it puts a lot of people off, so that's why you'll always see a couple of laybys on the A21, full or cars, all with empty bike racks. There is a back way in...

Joint effort...

Over the last week or so, Scrobs has been making a wooden stand for holding an iPad to scan photographs etc. It's been a labour of love, and the sort of 'challenge' which is achievable with some offcuts of plywood, a few wingnuts and a modicum of sandpaper...

We have hundreds of photos taken before digital cameras came on the scene, and the old albums take up a lot of space, and while they are really family treasures, we could use the space for other things like red wine bottles...

While working on the design, I mused at all the sorts of ways I could join the various parts, and decided that pure fasteners would be the most effective way, and also the easiest, hence the screws etc.!

Many years ago, the old school hall was a fifties design, and while OK for PE, films and concerts, when these became boring, I would sit staring up at the way the roof was supported and spent ages gazing at one particular joint, which I learned, much later, was in fact a 'squinted scarfed joint' such as this one here...

It seems to be a bit of a bugger to make, but the end result joins two pieces of wood, forming an even longer piece, which is exactly what I used to stare at!

But hey, just check out this beautiful piece of work!

Now that must be nearly impossible, and hardly the sort of  design an ageing Scrobs could even dream about, let alone make!