Sehr geehrter Herr, mir wurde von einem gemeinsamen Freund eine Nachricht anvertraut. Sie kannten ihn einmal als Paul Chan? Liebe Shanks... Die Flucht hat funktioniert! Ich und meine drei Wachen verstecken sich jetzt im Rettungsboot eines japanischen Forschungsbootes. Osaka sollten wir in der ersten Februarwoche erreichen. Bis bald im Robin Hood!
Shanks! Do not believe a word from that swine Metzger. I certainly would not have entrusted any message to you via the likes of him! I am still in my suite here on Bouvetøya. It's snowing. This evening Sissel, Solveig, Inger and I will be with you at the 'Bells' re-opening in spirit, if not in the flesh.
Lucien, is the hooch still under the bed in the corner of Block 9, and does it still have the capacity for the manufacture of extremely strong tinctures?
I seem to recall Igor Kalashnikov showing us how to make 110% proof spirit from the trousers of the Proletarian Guard!
These answers are becoming somehwhat confused, so I may have typed a reply to another quote from your goodself, Lucien, but those conker odds were just not the figures that my cousin, Joey Chalk, put up on his board!
Also I steeped my conker in special rum, but it broke immediately Melanie Trottiscliffe hit it with her 'tenner'!
There is no need to concoct bath tub gin. We have gallons of Norwegian military amontillado... more than enough to last the century out. I of course was not in attendance for the conker day, being detained here in perpetuity. However my dear friend Renucci, happened to be checking on our development up at the golf course, and he put on a couple of bets for me before getting in the digger.
Not quite, Heskers, we didn't have cats back then so it was a bit of local history about a farm hand who vsited everal ladies on his tractor most Sundays with hilarious results!
Wasn't Plotnikov Minor a distant relative of Cllr Basil Kalashnikov? Matron thought so when I rang her up just now! Her instant response to my call was 'Scrobs, do you want a bit'!
Dear Plotnikov minor... he was never strong. I think it was only matron that kept him upright Christmas term '74. I heared that he succumbed to Gambon's Samba in the mid '90's
Hesketh, were you around when Dr Mayhap-Cuddler accosted Matron in the bandage room, and caused her to have an embolism up against the crepe tubigrip shelves?
I know Kalashnikov Senior was, as he emerged from the electrical cupboard next door, looking very red!
No I was, you may recall, at Great Ormond Street at that time; after receiving a javelin wound to the heart during the summer sports day event of the previous term. However Cpt Playfair who taught Viking studies for three terms came up on a visit after paying a call to his hatter Bates on Jermyn street. He told me what had gone on, and what had been reported in the press. Didn't Cuddler claim to be performing the Heimlich manoeuvre on Matron after a Victory V had stuck in her windpipe? And in the ensuing effort, his brace buttons had popped during his efforts, which was his trousers had fallen around his ankles.
You have it in one, Hesketh! Mayhap-Cuddler was a charlatan and a bounder, and every Matron who worked at the school , (they usually lasted nine months), was exacerbated by him, usually in the Old Pavilion, before they rebuilt the showers!
Have you read Kalashnikov's essay on excessive exacerbation? It really is a rivetting piece of research. The various Matrons all bought several copies!
Bitte? This is British sense of humour yes?
ReplyDeleteSehr geehrter Herr, mir wurde von einem gemeinsamen Freund eine Nachricht anvertraut. Sie kannten ihn einmal als Paul Chan? Liebe Shanks... Die Flucht hat funktioniert! Ich und meine drei Wachen verstecken sich jetzt im Rettungsboot eines japanischen Forschungsbootes. Osaka sollten wir in der ersten Februarwoche erreichen. Bis bald im Robin Hood!
ReplyDeleteShe found a packet of Walkers crisps containing more than eight?
ReplyDeleteNow, Herr Metzger...
ReplyDeleteThis really is a coincidence, as I really do know a 'Paul', though not Chan, and he's the only friend who's ever called me 'Shanks' too!
You're not him are you?
If you are, I owe you eight pints and a packet of 20 Woodbines (untipped)!
Ha ha ha, The J!
ReplyDeleteIn fact she found absolutely none at all - the word 'Bless' is the link!
I avoid them because their advertising gets on my nerves...
Shanks! Do not believe a word from that swine Metzger. I certainly would not have entrusted any message to you via the likes of him! I am still in my suite here on Bouvetøya. It's snowing. This evening Sissel, Solveig, Inger and I will be with you at the 'Bells' re-opening in spirit, if not in the flesh.
ReplyDelete... if you could tell James and Annie that I'm sorry for the book I ran on the conker day. Still £900 is £900!
ReplyDeleteLucien, is the hooch still under the bed in the corner of Block 9, and does it still have the capacity for the manufacture of extremely strong tinctures?
ReplyDeleteI seem to recall Igor Kalashnikov showing us how to make 110% proof spirit from the trousers of the Proletarian Guard!
Not bad for a competitor for normal Island Plonk!
These answers are becoming somehwhat confused, so I may have typed a reply to another quote from your goodself, Lucien, but those conker odds were just not the figures that my cousin, Joey Chalk, put up on his board!
ReplyDeleteAlso I steeped my conker in special rum, but it broke immediately Melanie Trottiscliffe hit it with her 'tenner'!
Not too late to use the idea for panto with Gary Lineker
ReplyDeleteYour crisp pack is empty, dear Gary, dear Gary,
Your crisp pack is empty, dear Gary, empty.
There is no need to concoct bath tub gin. We have gallons of Norwegian military amontillado... more than enough to last the century out.
ReplyDeleteI of course was not in attendance for the conker day, being detained here in perpetuity. However my dear friend Renucci, happened to be checking on our development up at the golf course, and he put on a couple of bets for me before getting in the digger.
Modo, I took a dive to the Rev Rodney Dreyer because you promised me a postal order for the sum of £37.74. Pay up, or I go to the newspapers!!!
ReplyDeleteSheer Gilbert and O'Sullivan, AK!
ReplyDeleteIs the Amontillado tinctured with myrrh and Vegemite?
ReplyDeleteYou'd be surprised, as I was on emerging from the public WCs in Southampton High Street, just off The Solent!
Then you would have seen my pieces in the Parish Magazine a few years ago, Hesketh!
ReplyDeleteWas that the knowledgeable thesis on cats and lactation..?
ReplyDeleteI well remember matron at school slipping Plotnikov minor the nipple on wet days.
ReplyDeleteNot quite, Heskers, we didn't have cats back then so it was a bit of local history about a farm hand who vsited everal ladies on his tractor most Sundays with hilarious results!
ReplyDeleteWasn't Plotnikov Minor a distant relative of Cllr Basil Kalashnikov? Matron thought so when I rang her up just now! Her instant response to my call was 'Scrobs, do you want a bit'!
I made an excuse and left of course!
Dear Plotnikov minor... he was never strong. I think it was only matron that kept him upright Christmas term '74. I heared that he succumbed to Gambon's Samba in the mid '90's
ReplyDeleteHesketh, were you around when Dr Mayhap-Cuddler accosted Matron in the bandage room, and caused her to have an embolism up against the crepe tubigrip shelves?
ReplyDeleteI know Kalashnikov Senior was, as he emerged from the electrical cupboard next door, looking very red!
No I was, you may recall, at Great Ormond Street at that time; after receiving a javelin wound to the heart during the summer sports day event of the previous term.
ReplyDeleteHowever Cpt Playfair who taught Viking studies for three terms came up on a visit after paying a call to his hatter Bates on Jermyn street. He told me what had gone on, and what had been reported in the press.
Didn't Cuddler claim to be performing the Heimlich manoeuvre on Matron after a Victory V had stuck in her windpipe? And in the ensuing effort, his brace buttons had popped during his efforts, which was his trousers had fallen around his ankles.
You have it in one, Hesketh! Mayhap-Cuddler was a charlatan and a bounder, and every Matron who worked at the school , (they usually lasted nine months), was exacerbated by him, usually in the Old Pavilion, before they rebuilt the showers!
ReplyDeleteHave you read Kalashnikov's essay on excessive exacerbation? It really is a rivetting piece of research. The various Matrons all bought several copies!