There was uproar at the Special Meeting of Councillors for the Sodden Prickney Parish, when a sensational video of an 'event', was taken by the Bicycling Correspondent of 'The Bugle', Edwina Baggage, of some councillors apparently drinking a convivial glass of Wincarnis with other persons!
The problem was not the actual warming concoction for the elderly, so loved by a former Prime Minister, Jarrold Wislon, (Lab), but that the event apparently happened when everyone should have been at home watching anything but the BBC!
The event was even more disturbing, as an empty Walkers crisps packet had also been seen by a half-full glass, so this was proof that Basil Kalashnikov had indeed held a party, and Ms Baggage was definitely not invited! So, er, (yes, go on - Ed), as she hadn't been asked to go and meet the Chairman, then what was Cynthia Molestrangler doing, maskless, and heard to be giggling inanely about something she'd heard from Miss Newt, who was still considering the future personal relationship with Ron Groat, (Ind) later on that evening?
Er, so if Cllr. Kalashnikov had been appropriating Ms Molestrangler, then where was PC Lumbersnatch, as one frame certainly shows a policeman's helmet on a side table, and also questions need to be asked of Norman Wibble, as his Janet Reger home-made mask was definitely seen with a garishly painted fingernail poised to disentangle the material from his spectacles!
(This report is turning into a farce - Ed).
The sound on Ms Baggage's iPhone is not great, but the grunts and groans of some sort of joy were definitely noticed, and like in all good parish councils, the videos were being filed under 'Private', and copies taken only for members, their families, the till ladies in Tesco, and of course 'The Bugle'!
The meeting is still ongoing, and one wonders where it will all end - probably after Songs of Praise next Sunday!
I'm not convinced that the empty Walkers crisps packet is proof that Basil Kalashnikov held a party. From what I hear he likes his nuts though.
ReplyDeleteI disagree, AK! It's a well-known fact that Walkers are sponsored by the BBC, and the empty packet was deliberately placed in shot, so that Ms Baggage (who once went out with a junior cameraman, and didn't get back until the following week), would understand the symptoms of consuming such awful junk, and be able to justify her story!
ReplyDeleteI think you may have something by referring to nuts though, and I hope that there will be no more stories about that particular affliction!
Tell us more about Ms Molestrangler. Am strangely curious.
ReplyDeleteJames, Cynthia Molestrangler, or to be more accurate Baroness Cynthia Carrie-Onne Molestrangler has several attributes, not usually connected with thin ladies, and usually competes with Edwina Baggage in many pursuits occasioned by close encounters with any red-blooded male who shows the slightest interest in these attributes!
ReplyDeleteThe Parish Council offices are a perfect venue for such encounters, and many councillors relish the hours before and after the tedious meetings which are run by Basil Kalashnikov with untidy opprobrium, as they can use the time to conduct what Private Eye called 'Ugandan discussions', in any available office or broom cupboard, with the Baroness in close proximity and even closer!
The Baroness is now 'getting on a bit', and hopefully will have got off it by the time this small snippet is published!
I supplied the grease for the evening. I am just biding my time before I spill the beans.
ReplyDeleteLucien, my dear fellow! How nice to hear from you again, and I sincerely hope that the sojourn with those three dusky maidens on the small Pacific Island, hasn't sapped your strength too much! The papers said very little, but a spy informed me of the quantity of beverages you ordered for the party!
ReplyDeleteThank you for telling me where the grease came from, I wondered about that!
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ReplyDeleteDear old friend. You are mistaken as to the location of my island; head south until you are almost at the XXXXXXXX and you will find me... XXXXXXXXX XXXXXX as once was, but now XXXXXXXXX. I have the roam of the place... it's rather bracing down here.
ReplyDeleteI have of course Sissel, Solveig ,and Inger (my guards) for company and to keep me warm at night.
Who would have thought that all that fuss and bother at the Wuhan Institute would have brought me here?
Sorry about the deletion of the two other comments... my missives have to be read and censored on occasion I'm afraid, by the lovely Sissel.
Actually, Lucien, my 'electronic filofax' shows the actual text of your first two posts, so I am now wondering what sort of hold the young Sissel has on you at this particular time!
ReplyDeleteAre you in pain, or is there some other tinctural abberration available to alleviate what must be a worrying time for you under the circumstances, or whatever you are actually under at this present time!
Did Sissel - or was it Inger - control the keys to the Wayfarer De Luxe?
Dearest friend,
ReplyDeleteDo you not recall me telling you of happier times feeding the pigeons in Vigenère Square?
Zpv xfmm sfofocfs uif pme Dfbtbs dzqifs?
ReplyDeleteHerr Doktor Modo: Ich gehe davon aus, dass die Kiste mit Sardinenkonserven wohlbehalten bei Ihnen angekommen ist? Frohe Weihnachten für dich und die Mädels.
ReplyDeleteMetzger
Ich bitte um Verzeihung, Herr Scrobelene, denn mein Englisch ist sehr schlecht.
ReplyDeleteIch bin schon lange ein großer Fan von Ihnen. Grüße an Sie! Und folge dem Anführer!
Herr Modo, Das Postillion wurde vom Blitz getroffen, daher können die Sardinen etwas zu spät kommen!
ReplyDeleteIch bin jedoch verdutzt, wenn ich den ersten Beitrag identifizieren kann, Senor Wayfafer!
ReplyDeleteMetzger, du alter Nazi Bastard! Du lebst noch da draußen im Dschungel.
ReplyDeleteDanke für die Sardinenkonserven, wir werden sie zum Weihnachtsessen haben.
Seien Sie dem Mossad einen Schritt voraus!
Lucien, У меня все еще есть горшок с ароматом Gentleman's Relish, который вы подарили нам в 1935 году, подойдет ли он вместо сардин? Он сделан из анчоусов, не так ли?
ReplyDeleteAch! Have I missed Christmas again!
ReplyDeleteSeeing your name in lights again, reminds me of our old friend, The Grafas Fruning Graplecard!
ReplyDeleteHe had a huge influence on me when I was in my sixties, but it sort of waned the older I got!
Yes Christmas was some time ago now, I forget how long...
Graplecard was a fool! His theories on the Funerary Violin were nothing short of laughable.
ReplyDelete