Sodden Prickney Parish Council
Minutes of Emergency Meeting held on 4th October, 2017.
"To discuss the withdrawal of the old pound coins from the parking meter close to 'The Newt Foundation' carpark"
Present: -
Ms Cynthia Molestrangler (Chairman)
Count Basil Kalashnikov
PC Lumbersnatch
The Hon Sidney Trumpet, OBE and Bar
Miss Amelia Newt
Alderman Ron Groat
Mistress Edwina Baggage
The decision has been made for Mr Kalashnikov, accompanied by Mr Groat, to visit the premises of Mr Elias Sagtrouser, Purveyor of large lumps of concrete, knobs and ferret cages, to purchase a large hammer.
The said hammer, at a cost of no more than ten shillings, including SET, will be transported back to the carpark, where, under the supervision of PC Lumbersnatch, the said parking meter will be dealt a crushing blow to try and open it to extract the old pound coins within.
Once these coins have eventually been counted and purveyed to the bank, a receipt will be issued to the council accountant, and the money credited to the Ways and Means Committee.
Sodden Prickney Parish Council
Emergency Meeting to be held on 10th October, 2017.
'To discuss why absolutely no money was found in the parking meter, and why three buttons, a Belgian franc, two washers and a token from an old fruit machine were the only contents of the machine'.
All Members are requested to attend, with the possible exception of Alderman Groat, who will soon be out of hospital with a broken thumb.
From what I've heard those three buttons are trouser buttons but apart from that snippet of information my lips are sealed. Unlike a certain pair of trousers I could mention...
ReplyDeleteI believe the trouser buttons are 'Reinforced Number 8s', Mr H.
ReplyDeleteRemoval is usually with the assistance of a pair of industrial pliers and a wrench for the final twist and disturbance.
Rumour has it that a certain female councillor, who shall be nameless, could manage the job in two seconds, but then she was actually wearing them at the time, and as the fly is on the left-hand side, and she is left-handed, well it 'stands to reason' doesn't it...
(Well it does after a few seconds with a certain lady councillor who shall be nameless...)
Hah!! Seems like the residents of the village are as dishonest as those who may claim to be my neighbours and inadvertently forget to purchase a ticket...
ReplyDeleteHowever, hereabouts us old village folk are as honest as the day is long - but try in vain to purchase said tickets when parking at authorised spots. We try in vain because for the past 10 years or so about 99% of the ticket dispensers do not work, have stolen customers' coins, and failed to produce the said requisite receipt ticket. This results in having no obvious means to display on the dashboard of payment having been made, further resulting in meter-checking persons loitering behind the nearest tree leaping out and making false accusations against honest members of village trying to escape the civic duty to pad councillors' pension funds.
However, many complaints later, the councillors decided, with effect from 1 October, to lock all the meters and instead introduce a coupon system. Booklets of 10 coupons may be purchased from Sidi Ahmed's corner shop. So jolly well done the councillors.
The only deceitful bit of all this is that whereas with the meters (that actually worked!) car parkers could buy tickets to the value required for the estimated time the car would be parked. But these new coupons are only valid in full 1 hour denominations, so if one needs say 1 hour and 20 minutes to do the errands, under the revised system one has to produce two coupons thus forfeiting the unused 40 minutes.
This is a scheme I am surprised that Cynthia and the rest of her leeches have not yet stumbled upon. If you wish to retain your tempers about corrupt and swindling council members, I suggest you do not report this at the next meeting.
Reevers, Cynthia's coupons have long been considered, mainly by Count Kalashnikov during meetings when the going gets tough, and the reason why he rushes around in all directions afterwards, is to fend off the rising desire permeating his ageing body!
ReplyDeleteActually, Amelia and Ron managed to consummate their coupons once, but can't remember when!
I wouldn't trust anything from Mr Ahmed's shop, most of it is well past it's mouldy-by-date, and as for his wife's coupons, well, they're run off on an old printer every Thursday, before the Friday rush to beat the Saturday stampede, to beat the Sunday blues, to beat the Monday despair...
I'm surprised that you haven't resorted to the old trick of stuffing a Belgian Franc in the meter and putting a note on the windscreen!
Scrobs,
ReplyDeleteSome months ago, we parked in a proper slot right next to a meter in the town centre. I tried to insert our coins in the meter slot but discovered that there was already some foreign object jammed in it. So being honest-as-the-day's-long citizens Mrs rvi and I toddled off to the next nearest meter some 250 yards away. That one was working and duly dispensed the required magic ticket. However, on returning to the car, we noticed a printed slip of paper under the wiper blade stating that we had parked illegally and that we should present ourselves at the Town Hall cashier's office to pay the fine (equivalent to about 60 quid). Remonstrations with the lurking meter maid were of course pointless. So we put our valid coupon on the dashboard and went off to do our shopping.
We kept both the meter ticket and the summons slip when we presented ourselves at the relevant department the following morning. We explained what had happened to a sympathetic dragon behind the counter. She looked at the times printed on both slips and noted that they were only about 4 minutes apart, despite us OAPs having to trudge a 500 yard round trip. She told us that they allowed a 10 minute difference in the timings then poked her keyboard and found our offence and promptly cancelled it. Just as well as we would have created one almighty scene in front of a room full of people had she refused our explanation. Us doddery oldies can be quite fearsome when unreasonably provoked by officialdom.
I am sure it is occurrences similar to this one and the barrage of complaints that have been made - including several letters in the local comic over the months - that has prompted the council to change the system (rather than get the contractor to get his machines in working order!).
Tell me something. Am I right in thinking it was going to take absolutely yonks to replace all the parking meters so they would accept these new coins or was I dreaming? If not, there's going to be a heck of a lot of irate people brandishing parking tickets outside the relevant department. I just hope they've got hammer-proof glass.
ReplyDeleteGoosey!
ReplyDeleteLove of my life!
How the devil are you, and it's so nice to have you here (not in the Biblical sense of course, as you live so far away, but in spirit, well, if you got down here and we'd had a few tinctures, and stuff, well a quick gr....)!
Scrobs shaddup (Ed)
I'm thinking of you as I write the next post...
Currently I'm looking out at a dark yellow sky and the winds are picking up. Methinks a little dinner-time tincture is in order (at least that's my excuse! Back to bereau, burea, dammit - ok, red tape. My nephew-in-law got a parking ticket from a private firm because he was one minute late. I'd have told them they could stickit their ticket up the nearest orifice and, being the kind Goosey that I am, I'd have even lent them my cane to ensure it was firmly inserted. Other examples are going to the hospital dressing clinic after my hip op to be told they didn't supply them, a manager at the same hospital informed all staff they weren't allowed to wear engraved wedding rings, patterned cardigans, dye their hair, and hair bands and tights had to be navy or black. Another manager put a block on ordering certain items to save money so our usual order of a pack of ten pencils was banned; however I could order one pencil at the same price. I could have told them they could use one of my old goose quills free of charge (that would have taken some pluck) but H&S issues would have meant I'd have to be immersed in formalin at my expense (heavens preserve me) so I decided to keep my beak closed just in case they decided I was a trouble-maker and the canteen staff were short of geese for the staff annual Crimbo meal.
ReplyDeleteGoosey, that would be an ecumenical discussion, if Father Ted was still around...
ReplyDeleteThe sky is a peculiar colour here too, and someone said it was because the sand from the Sahara is dropping all over us. Damn and blast, as I've just finished washing the car for its MOT tomorrow...
Read Thud's post too, as he has a gorgeous house not a million miles from you, and spent three years rebuilding it. And now he's wondering what to do next!
Do they charge for hospital parking where you are Reevers? Over here it's a real cash cow for the NHS to take from the sick and needy...
ReplyDeleteYes. Most car parks are run by private companies. Average rate for street parking is about 50-60p equivalent an hour. The real sharks at this game are the valet parking operatives at large hotels where "pick a number" applies, but if the car park is already full (a not uncommon situation especially in the evenings) and one wishes to join one's mates at the buffet, one has to grin and bear it. Prices then go up to an outrageous £1.50 equivalent an hour. Life is expensive and tough out here in the back of beyond!! :-)
ReplyDeletePS: Hope your new Golf passes its test. Is it already a year since you bought it?? My little German runabout will be 16 at Christmas - and is still as good as the day I bought it, although I had to have the interior cloth headliner renewed last month as the glue was beginning to dry out and the cloth started to sag a bit. Local furniture upholsterer did a super job for just on £100.
Just chopped it in for a newer one, Reevers...
ReplyDeleteThe'old' one is a diesel, and that has some dire consequences for the future, as we just don't use a car enough these days! We've been concerned about repairs to, although it is (was) a good car, and it has a reasonable resale value now, which is probably going to take a dip in a few years, when we may not want that sort of bill!
Also, we don't tear round the ountry like we used to, and as long as we can get from a to b in one piece, we'll be fine.
It's a smaller Golf, and quiet enough for me to hear Mrs S...